Reichstag Fire Lentil Patties

In 1933 someone set the German parliament building on fire. Been reading about Nazis for my moral psychology class.

The reason I ate these patties on sandwich bread is that Whole Foods (where I had to go to buy bulk nuts) didn't have hamburger buns that were free of both animal products and palm shortening. Palm oil is bad, friends. This spread isn't as good as the others I've made, but it goes pretty well with these patties. Oh, and the avocado was unnecessary. Best keep it simple with tomato.

makes approx. 4-6 patties

INGREDIENTS:

Patties
INGEDIENTS:
3/4 c. green lentils
1/4 c. long grain brown rice
2 small red onions, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 small carrots, peeled and diced
6 large crimini mushrooms, diced
1/4 c. broth (e.g., water from boiling navy beans)
1 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. coriander
1/4 tsp. turmeric
1/3 c. vital wheat gluten
1/3 c. bread crumbs

DIRECTIONS:
1. Simmer the lentils and rice together in a pot until tender. The lentils will be overcooked, but that's fine because you're just gonna mash 'em up anyway.
2. Sauté onion in a large pan with carrots and mushrooms. Add garlic, and couple minutes later add broth, lentils, and rice. Mash the lentils with a spatula. Mix in seasonings.
3. Preheat oven to 350F.
4. Let the mixture cool for a couple minutes. (Eat some to tide you over, it's good!) In a mixing bowl, mash it up some more, then add wheat gluten and bread crumbs. Knead with a wooden spoon — wouldn't want to get your hands dirty.
5. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Form patties and bake for 15 min. each side.
6. Heat some oil in a pan. Fry the patties a few minutes on each side to brown them and firm them up.

Spread
INGREDIENTS:
1 c. frozen edamame, thawed
1/2 c. frozen corn, thawed
1 c. spinach, tightly packed
1/4 c. broth
1/4 c. water
4 Tbsp. lemon juice
2 Tbsp. tahini
1/2 tsp. chili powder

DIRECTIONS:
1. Purée everything in a blender. Get frustrated that it's too thick to get properly smooth. Scrape the sides, stir with a spoon, pulse, shake, etc.

Not Enough Oatmeal

Wasn't sure what to title this one. It's named after Hosni Mubarak's 2005 order for a constitutional amendment to allow multi-candidate presidential elections. Looks like the Egyptian people weren't appeased. And how you gonna have single-candidate elections? Not that a choice between two candidates is much better than a non-choice of one, especially when the two are both bought out by multinational corporations. In related news, I might attend the Save the American Dream rally downtown today in solidarity with Wisconsin protesters. Of course, if I do I'll bring a sign reading "America's slept long enough... time to wake up!" But I've got other things to do, so not sure if I'll make it.

There is definitely enough oatmeal, on the other hand. I used this fantastic recipe. I like Joshua's method better than the one I use for my porridge. I'm out of almonds and I don't have flax meal, so I made a few alterations.

makes 1 serving (if you've got a big appetite)

INGREDIENTS:

1 c. oatmeal

1 c. mylk

1/2 c. water

1/2 Tbsp. maple syrup

1/4 tsp. cinnamon

1/4 tsp. vanilla extract

1 banana, chopped

1/8 c. jumbo black seedless raisins

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a small pot, bring the oatmeal, mylk, and water to a boil over medium heat. Uncover, lower to a simmer. Stir in maple syrup, cinnamon, and vanilla extract.

2. Remove from heat after approx. 4 min. Mix in banana and raisins.

Laura Riding. 2001. Anarchism Is Not Enough, 17: "If it were possible to reproduce [a poem] in an audience the result would be the destruction of the audience."

The Avalanches, "Since I Left You"

People Power Revolution Gauxt Cheeze

President of the Philippines Ferdinand Marcos fled the nation after 20 years of rule, and Corazon Aquino became the Philippines' first woman president 24 years ago. Should sound somewhat familiar in light of recent world events. Power to the People!

I want to preface this recipe by saying that I'd never make fake goat cheese for myself. This took all kinds of time and was, quite frankly, a pain in the ass. (Cheesecloth is the devil's work.) But when I asked a friend of mine what was keeping her from committing to veganism, she said she really likes cheese (and crackers). So, good baketivist that I am, I put together this fake cheese log. It's not bad. It's not goat cheese. In other words, I don't think it's converting anyone.

I used this recipe with a little less salt than it called for. My oven's lowest temp. is 260F, but the cheeze definitely didn't overbake. I sort of rolled it in paprika and pepper.

Cato Street Conspiracy Beans and Rice

181 years ago a plot to assassinate all the British cabinet members and the prime minister was thwarted. Go big or go home, right?

My coworker called in sick today so I'm on duty 4pm-12am. Luckily, the navy beans'd been soaking for a while (2 days...) so when I got out of class I threw 'em on the stove, made some rice, and fried up the other stuff. I haven't tried it yet. The plate presentation was scraped into a plastic container immediately after the above photograph was taken.

makes approx. 3-4 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 lb. navy beans

1 c. rice

2 hot house tomatoes, sort of cubed

1 avocado, sliced

1 poblano pepper, diced

1 medium white onion, diced

cumin

coriander

cayenne

salt and pepper

red wine vinegar

oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Soak the beans overnight (or longer, if you plan incorrectly) in 4 c. water. Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer, cook for 70 min.

2. Bring the rice to a boil in 2 c. water, simmer for 45 min.

3. Sauté onion in oil in a pan over medium heat for a few minutes. Add the pepper. After another few minutes, add the tomatoes, avocado, seasonings to taste with a splash of vinegar. Cook until desired texture.

Open Letter to My Mother

Dear Mom,

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I have taken under careful consideration your complaint regarding my recent use of foul language. I sincerely regret that it pains you, but nevertheless your options will be strictly restricted to the following: 1. suffer, or 2. stop reading. Your belief that "[my] facility with language is more elegant than that" seems to rely on the premise that words like "shit" and "fuck" are functionally redundant. It might be reasonable to think that their strict content could be rendered in more "elegant" phrases, but I think it's patently ridiculous to think that we don't mean what we say when we swear. "Shit" and "fuck" are so prevalent because they are versatile manifestations/mobilizations of particular affects. If you'd like to accuse me of lacking ingenuity I have no reply, but to accuse me of doing something wrong in writing by using words which are a part of my speech and relation to the world...

Love,

Your son

Presidents Day Roots and Tubers

 

Thanks for the day off, presidents. Doesn't mean I owe you shit.

There's nothing playing the role of dead animal in this meal. Just mashed potatoes and baked vegetables. Simple, hearty, and flavorful.

makes approx. 2-3 servings

INGREDIENTS:

5 Satina potatoes, partially skinned and chopped into large chunks

3 cloves garlic

1 Tbsp. Earth Balance

mylk

paprika and parsley, to taste

1 carrot, chopped

1 parsnip, chopped

1 beet, skinned and cubed

1 cabbage, chopped

olive oil

salt and pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 400F.

2. Line a pan with parchment paper. Fill with chopped vegetables, drizzle with olive oil, season with salt and pepper. Bake for 20 min., toss, bake another 20 min.

3. In a large pot, cover potatoes and garlic with water. Bring to a boil, cook over medium heat for 15 min. or so, until potatoes are nice and tender.

4. In a mixing bowl, mash the potatoes and garlic with margarine. Add mylk a little at a time, until the potatoes are creamy. Stir in salt, pepper, paprika, and parsley.

I haven't talked with anyone about what's been going on in Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, Jordan, and Wisconsin. Pretty incredible. At the slightest indication of revolution in Providence I'll be in the street with a brick. (Not that revolution's brewing in Wisconsin, but one can dream.)

Social Justice Banana Bread

The UN General Assembly regards February 20 as the World Day of Social Justice. One way to further the cause of social justice is to fuck up Escalades.

I used Isa's banana bread recipe and mixed in 1/4 c. chocolate chips. I only baked it for an hour but might try 50 min. next time. Or just buy a proper bread pan.

Here's a sketch of a derivation of an inductive principle for S5, that if A→□B is a theorem, then ◊A→B is a theorem:

1.  A→□B [hypothesis]

2. □B→B [T axiom]

3. A→B [propositional logic] 

4. A→◊A [T◊ theorem]

5. ◊A→B [propositional logic] 

We can then use this inductive principle — call it IP — to prove that ◊□A→□◊A is a theorem:

1. A→□◊A [B theorem]

2. □(A→□◊A) [rule of necessitation]

3. □(A→□◊A)→(□A→□□◊A) [K axiom] 

4. □A→□□◊A [modus ponens]

5. ◊□A→□◊A [IP]

Temporary Insanity Pizza

According to Wikipedia, on this day in 1859 NY Congressman Daniel E. Sickles won the first acquittal of murder on grounds of temporary insanity in US legal history. What a legacy.

This was my first attempt at pizza: spinach, bok choy, and walnut "parmesan." I was happy with it, but I really need a rolling pin. This crust would have worked better if I'd gotten it thinner. I sort of used this recipe from a site confused about exactly what veganism is.

makes approx. 4 servings

INGREDIENTS:

2 1/2 c. flour

3 1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

2 Tbsp. olive oil

1 Tbsp. brown rice syrup

3/4 c. water

1 medium white onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 bok choy, leaves sliced in thirds

6 oz. spinach

1 15-oz. can fire-roasted diced tomatoes

2 tsp. oregano

1 tsp. thyme

1 tsp. rosemary

1/2 tsp. chili powder

1/2 tsp. salt

splash red wine vinegar

oil

1/2 c. walnuts, halved

1/2 c. yeast flakes

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat the oven to 425F.

2. Sauté onion in a pan with oil over medium heat. After a few minutes, add garlic. Couple minutes later, toss in spinach. Cover the pan while you slice the bok choy.

3. Lower heat and add bok choy with a little bit of red wine vinegar; cover pan. Once the bok choy begins to turn bright, uncover and add the canned tomatoes and seasoning. Let simmer.

4. Do up the bread dough. Knead until it holds together, then press into a pan that's been greased and floured. Bake 20 min.

5. While the dough is baking, pulse the walnuts in a blender until rendered into a fine dust. Add in yeast flakes and pulse a couple more times, then stir.

6. Remove dough from oven, top with sauce and "parmesan." Bake for another 10 min.

According to Kafka's diaries, "Sisyphus was a bachelor."

Franco Bifo Berardi, What is the meaning of autonomy today?

Blaine Act Pasta with Cheezy Sauce and Spinach

Prohibition ended in the US with the passage of the Blaine Act 78 years ago. That's cool I guess. Alcohol companies are still nasty, just haven't yet buckled down to learn homebrewing.

If you're looking for something quick, pasta with cheezy sauce is always a good idea. With some green vegetable, of course.

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 lb. bow-tie pasta

5 oz. spinach

4 sun-dried tomatoes, sliced

3 cloves garlic, minced

spoonful flour

1/2 c. yeast flakes

2 c. water

few squirts mustard

splash shoyu soy sauce

spoonful tahini

1/2 tsp. turmeric

1/4 tsp. salt

oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Bring a pot of water to a boil. Cook pasta.

2. Fry garlic in oil over medium heat for a couple minutes. Add flour, cook for another couple minutes. Pour in 1 c. water, yeast flakes, mustard, soy sauce, tahini, turmeric, and salt. Bring to a boil. Stir, lower to simmer. Cook until desired thickness. Stir in sun-dried tomatoes.

3. Toss spinach into a pan with a little bit of oil and soy sauce. Cook over medium heat for a while, then add 1/2 c. or so of water, cover, and let wilt. Remove from heat once desired sogginess.

Tiny Mix Tapes published my review of Into Eternity yesterday.

Remember, it's like how Toni Cade Bambara wrote, "Not all speed is movement. [...] There ain't no such animal as an instant guerilla."

Douglas Hofstadter Beet Soup

Douglas Hofstadter turned 66 today! Gödel, Escher, Bach is a great book, but so is the much more concise, political, freely accessible "A Person Paper on Purity in Language." Check it out.

There's maybe a little too much going on in this soup, but at least it's hearty and flavorful. And there's lots of it. My first time cooking with beets. Beets are delicious. For the broth I used 3 c. water I'd frozen after cooking black beans, plus 2 c. water from making kidney beans on Saturday.

makes approx. 5-8 servings (I really have no idea)

INGREDIENTS:
1 c. green lentils
2/3 c. quinoa
5 small sweet potatoes, cubed
1 beet, skinned and cubed
1 medium white onion, diced
~1/2 c. tofu, crumbled
1/4 c. cilantro
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. fenugreek seeds
1/2 tsp. chili powder
5 c. vegetable broth
3 c. water

DIRECTIONS:
1. Fill a large stock pot with broth and lentils. Bring to a boil, then lower to a simmer. Add the sweet potatoes and the beet.
2. After 25 min., toss in the onion, tofu, cilantro, and spices. Start simmering the quinoa in a separate pot.
3. After another 20 min., turn off the heat. Stir in the quinoa and the water, which will instantly bring down the temperature to a comfortable hotness. Serve immediately!

I can't figure out how to embed audio, so if you want to listen to this funny little piece I recorded March 10, 2006 on a warped half-size acoustic guitar and contact mic, you'll have to download it here.

Vegan Dinner for Two! #1

My friend came over last night to cook bean burgers. She baked some brownies which narrowly missed the vegan mark. Luckily for our sweet teeth, I'd made a chocolate cheezecake using a recipe from a book my parents gave me for Christmas, My Sweet Vegan. I'd put up the recipe, but I'm not feeling motivated right now. I couldn't find vegan graham crackers, so I made my own using this recipe.

I used a little bit of Tofutti, but most of the cream cheeze I made from scratch using this recipe. So much work! It's obscenely rich and chocolate-y.

The burgers were my standard recipe which I'm too lazy to link to. To go with those I baked some rolls using this recipe. Also blended up some cashews, avocado, vegetable broth, and cilantro for a spread. Yum!

The "#1" in the title of this post is a bit of magical thinking. If there's a first, there's gotta be a second. Who else wants to make dinner with me?

Oh yeah, Tiny Mix Tapes is gonna be publishing my comic, A Thousand K.s. Here's "Loneliness."

CORRECTION: Not pictured (because consumed before photo shoot), sweet potato fries.

Deep Blue Sort of-Chana Masala

I'm tired. This one had to be quick because I was in class until 6:20, had to go to the grocery store, and my friend's art installation is opening like right now.

Deep Blue defeated Garry Kasparov in chess 15 years ago. Go computers!

makes approx. 2-3 servings

INGREDIENTS

1 c. rice

2 1/2 c. cooked chick peas

1 15-oz. can fire roasted crushed tomatoes

1/2 medium yellow onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

2 red chilies, partially de-seeded and crushed

1 1/2 tsp. fenugreek

1 tsp. curry powder

1/2 tsp. garam masala

1/2 tsp. coriander

1/2 tsp. chile powder

1/2 tsp. salt

1 c. water

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook rice.

2. Fry onion in oil in a medium pot over medium heat. When translucent, add garlic and cook for another couple minutes. Add chick peas and cook for a minute or so.

3. Add in everything else. Cover the pot, bring to a boil, then lower to a simmer. Cook until the rice is done, or until desired consistency.

My review of The Woodmans got published yesterday or today.

Farm to Fridge

I'm not cooking tonight because I've got leftovers and I'm going to Cable Car Cinema for the Magic Lantern: Memory of Decay show.

But I wanted to post Mercy for Animals' "Farm to Fridge". It's really fucking upsetting; I only got through the first minute and a half. It makes me tear up, and it also makes me really angry. Because people pretend like this shit doesn't happen, when the evidence is everywhere. And I ignored it myself until I was 21. We need to change, but information isn't enough. We need emotional and ethical contact.

Devil's Footprints Edamame Salad Over Noodles

Exactly 156 years ago, the Devil's Footprints appeared in Devon, England. No, seriously, cloven hoof prints continued for over 100 miles, crossing bodies of water and traversing rooftops and whatnot. SATAN. Or wood mice, or good old mass hysteria. Good thing we don't succumb to that anymore...

This dish I cooked up real quick after helping my roommate with an art installation that needs to be ready for Thursday, when all the wealthy donors come to the new Creative Arts Council building to ooh and ahh. I gotta be at work in half an hour! I maybe went a little overboard with the seasoning — my love of soy sauce and cumin.

makes approx. 2-3 servings

INGREDIENTS:

12 oz. frozen edamame, thawed

9 oz. frozen sweet corn, thawed

1 medium yellow onion, diced

2 handfuls pea greens

5 grape tomatoes, quartered, forgotten in the fridge by my roommate, who will never notice they're gone

5 sun-dried tomatoes, sliced

1/3 pack rice bran Pad Thai fettuccine

1/4 c. shoyu soy sauce

1/4 c. yeast flakes

1 tsp. cumin

1 tsp. crushed red pepper

1/2 tsp. curry powder

1/2 tsp. turmeric

DIRECTIONS:

1. Put the noodles in a large pot over high heat to get the water boiling. Once boiling, cook for additional 8-10 min.
2. Fry onion in oil in a large pan over medium heat. Once translucent, add  edamame, sweet corn, and pea greens. Cook for several minutes, until the greens start to wilt.
3. Add soy sauce, yeast flakes, and spices. Turn heat up to medium-high and cook for several minutes.
4. Add both kinds of tomatoes, cook for a couple minutes. Combine with noodles.

From Hyun Höchsmann's and Yang Guorong's translation of Zhuangzi, "The Great and Honored Teacher" (123):

Another day Yan Hui saw Confucius again and said, "I have made progress."
"What do you mean?" asked Confucius.
"I sit and forget everything."

Potluck Hummus with Pita and Carrots

My super nice friend and partner-in-Really Really Free Marketeering invited me to a potluck at her place last night. I was late because the pita bread took longer than I thought it would. I had to really mess with the hummus recipe I used (from Veganomicon), perhaps because I used a blender instead of a food processor. Also, I had no lemon! (Whoops.) I'm not going to post the recipe for the pita bread, because I used this one (using sugar not honey, duh), which worked really well except that I don't have a rolling pin or a bread tablet thing, so my pitas didn't rise.

makes approx. 6 servings

INGREDIENTS:

30 oz. cooked chick peas (soak overnight, then simmer 90 min.)

5 Tbsp. tahini

1/2 c. olive oil

2 cloves garlic

3/4 c. water

cumin

dried parsley

salt

ground black pepper

paprika

DIRECTIONS:

1. Pour half the chickpeas into blender and attempt to puree. Fail to puree. Regret that you didn't mash beforehand with a wooden spoon.

2. Add tahini, olive oil, and water in batches, blending until the hummus is relatively smooth. Add in the remaining chick peas, a little bit of cumin and parsley, salt and pepper to taste, and maybe something like 2 tsp. paprika.

3. Stir with a spatula and try to blend until satisfactory. Pour into a container, chop some carrots, bake some pita, and eat.

After dinner I had a long food-centric conversation with my new friend Leah, who has some bad news, y'all. The US of A is colonizing the world with corn, and other disasters.

Really Really Free Market Chocolate Chip Cookies

I baked these this morning to bring to the Really Really Free Market, which was a phenomenal success and the most fun I've had in a long time. Lots of cool people hanging out and giving stuff away and finding beautiful things to take home. The cookies got eaten real quick, and the weird cake I baked a couple nights ago got all eaten up as well!

The recipe is jacked from Isa. I made a few tweaks, one of which is that I doubled the bake time because I don't have magic powers like Isa. Also, I forgot to soak nuts last night so in order to make mylk this morning I blanched the almonds, which resulted in a smoother, more subtle mylk and is something I'm going to take the time to do in the future. Peeling the nuts is annoying, though.

makes approx. 24

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 c. light brown sugar

1/4 c. white sugar

1/3 c. canola oil

1/4 c. almond milk

1 Tbsp. cornstarch

2 tsp. vanilla extract

1 1/4 c. flour

1/4 c. almond pulp

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1 Tbsp. canola oil

1/2 c. chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 350F.

2. Combine sugars, oil, mylk, cornstarch, and vanilla in a mixing bowl. Whisk with a fork until incorporated and thick (like caramel, says Isa).

3. Mix in 1 c. flour, baking soda, and salt. Stir in the almond pulp and oil, then mix in the remaining 1/4 c. flour. Add chips and you're done!

4. Scoop dough onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper using the Tbsp. It should be lightly coated in canola oil from last use, making it easy to shake the dough out. Close pack 10-12 blobs on the sheet and bake for 12 min.

5. Remove the parchment paper to a table, cool for a minute, then transfer the cookies to a rack or cutting board to finish cooling. Place the parchment paper back on the baking sheet and fill up with remaining dough. Repeat process.

Yum! I'll have to bake something special for my roommate because she was super nice and let us use her car for the whole afternoon to bring stuff to/from AS220 downtown.

 

This girl didn't get to take the wheel home, but I think she might have gotten a cute red hat.

Ignorance Cake Challenge

Last night I decided to bake a cake instead of read for class. This is the second cake I've ever baked, and I did it without a recipe. I had a vague notion that tofu could be used for the "cream cheeze" frosting. Needless to say, this cake is not as good as something you could make from a tested recipe, so I'm not going to bother posting a recipe. Not that I could remember it anyway. There's flour, oil, a batch of chocolate soup, cocoa, sugar, tofu, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, salt, baking powder, cornstarch, almond milk, confectioner's sugar. It's a goddamn mess. It's super dense but not super chocolate-y or super sweet. That's probably a bad thing. But I had a lot of fun! I advocate messing around in the kitchen if you're procrastinating and have a little bit of disposable income.

First layer:

Chinese New Year Stuffed Cabage with Strawberry Carrot Sauce

Happy Chinese New Year! Instead of crashing my roommates' 2.5-year anniversary dinner, I made these monstrosities. This was a new and exciting kind of failure, though. Instead of having an idea for a meal and not being able to pull it off, I totally pulled it off, the conception just turned out to be flawed. So the stuffed cabbage is good, and the sauce is good, but they're not great together. Reason: the sauce is a smoothie. Also, I learned that tarragon should be used sparingly.

makes approx. 4-6 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 c. red lentils

3/4 c. short grain brown rice

1 medium eggplant, peeled and cubed

6 red potatoes, cubed

1 medium yellow onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 cabbage, pulled apart

red wine vinegar

sage

tarragon

oregano

paprika

salt

1/2 lb. frozen strawberries

1 parsnip, peeled and chopped

3 small carrots, peeled and chopped

juice of 1/2 lemon

ground black pepper

oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook rice and lentils in two pots.

2. Cut stuff up. Once lentils are done, drain and refill the pot with hot water. Toss in eggplant and potato, cook on high for a while.

3. Fry the onion with oil in a large pan over medium heat. Once eggplant and potato is somewhat tender, drain and add to the pan. Refill the pot again and bring to a boil. Toss in carrots, parsnip, and all cabbage leaves that didn't make the cut as bowls.

4. Drizzle red wine vinegar into the pan and add a couple shakes of all the seasonings. Get it going on medium-high.

5. Preheat oven to 350F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and line with cabbage leaves.

6. Once rice is done, mix with lentils and contents of pan. Dole out into the cabbage leaves and stick in the oven for 15 min.

7. Drain the remaining pot and add parsnip, carrot, and cabbage pieces to blender with thawed strawberries. Squeeze in lemon juice, grind black pepper on top, and blend until smooth.

Once it's all set, take a taste of the sauce. It's too sweet for application on the stuffed cabbages, so fill up a glass as dessert. Fold the cabbage leaves in half and eat like cute little sandwiches.