Boozy Clergy Crispy Tofu with Mashed Potatoes and Broccoli

[First off, props to my friend Andrew for advising the use of Cooling Filter 82 (5-15%) in Photoshop. Thank god someone knows what he's doing.]

This post is a synthesis of the previous two. Unifying the alcoholic and religious components, we overcome yet another facet of clerical asceticism. On June 14, 1789, Rev. Elijah Craig, "a pioneering Baptist preacher" (says Wikipedia, as always) born in Virginia (just like your faithful blogger — holla!)... hold on. Wikipedia claims there's a precise date for Rev. Craig's innovation of aging corn distillate in charred oak casks. Well, whatever, you've got him to thank for modern corn whiskey. Rev. Craig was arrested at least once for preaching without a license. That's my kind of preacher! From his eulogy in The Kentucky Gazette: "His preaching was of the most solemn style; his appearance as of a man who had just come from the dead..." Again, my kind of preacher!

Tonight's meal is courtesy of Vegan Dad and Isa Chandra Moskowitz. Golden Crispy Tofu! Savory Mushroom Gravy! Mashed potatoes (6 Yukon golds boiled with a few cloves of garlic, mashed with some vegan butter and salt and pepper)! Steamed broccoli! Probably more trouble than it's worth!

Tiny Mix Tapes published the latest installment of my comic, A Thousand K.s.

April Fools' Day Meal

April Fools' Day is obnoxious. There's no joke here.

Tonight's meal didn't know what it wanted to be. I had tofu, potatoes, kale, and mushrooms. I was going to make scrambled tofu with a red jalapeño and maybe some quinoa, then I was going to use soy sauce and maybe make some rice. What I settled on was balsamic vinegar, red wine vinegar, sherry, sage, oregano, and parsley. Sort of weird with tofu (and a jalapeño), but I liked it. I baked the kale until crispy.

I'm not posting a recipe because it's straightforward and I've done it many times before. Maybe it's a function of the season (root vegetables ad nauseum), but I've been making the same half-dozen or so meals on rotation. Which doesn't make for interesting reading, I'm sure. Hence the following announcement:

Indefinite hiatus due to lack of inspiration.

Svetlana Alliluyeva Stir Fry

Stalin's daughter, Svetlana Alliluyeva, defected to the US 44 years ago. I guess she's living in Wisconsin now. Weird.

There wasn't any special method to this one, so I'm just gonna tell you what's in it. Tofu, edamame, corn, Red Chieftain potatoes, crimini mushrooms, shallots, garlic, soy sauce, turmeric, cumin, paprika. Use hot sauce too!

I made some cookies for a little get-together Saturday night. My brown sugar is a solid block for some reason, so I used all white sugar. Funny how they turned out like sugar cookies with chocolate chips tossed in, rather than proper chocolate chip cookies.

Not sure if I ever posted a link to the second installment of my comic, so here it is.

Also, watch these horrible yuppie foodies rationalize eating a live lobster. They eat an animal while it's alive. They ain't comfortable, but they do it.

National Pig Day Hearty Red Soup

Today's National Pig Day in the US. Apparently, people do all sorts of wacky stuff to celebrate pigs, including eating their flesh. From a newspaper in Arlington Heights, IL (not too far from where I grew up): "Is it time to celebrate what the pig offers by downing spare ribs, bacon, and ham? Or is it time to give the little guys a break - to step back and just appreciate all they offer us?" This makes me hurt so much. Suicidefood says it best.

Composed of mostly red or reddish ingredients, this soup nevertheless contains no slaughtered pigs, making it a good option for NPD. This is the first time I've sliced garlic. I like it!

makes approx. 6-8 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 lb. red kidney beans

3 small red onions, diced

1/2 bulb garlic, sliced

1/2 beet, cubed

3 Red Chieftain potatoes, cubed

5 carrots, chopped

7 crimini mushrooms, diced

6 c. water

1 c. vegetable broth

1/4 c. shoyu soy sauce

4 Tbsp. yeast flakes

2 tsp. fenugreek seeds

1 tsp. oregano

1 tsp. paprika

1/2 tsp. thyme

1/2 tsp. parsley

1/2 tsp. chili powder

oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Soak the beans in 4 c. water overnight. Bring to a boil, then lower to a simmer and cook for approx. 60 min.

2. Sauté onion in oil in a large stock pot. Add the potatoes, mushrooms, carrots, beet, and garlic as you finish preparing them. Let it all cook for a couple more minutes, then pour in the kidney beans with their water. Add another 2 c. water and 1 c. broth. Bring to a simmer, then partially uncover the pot. Stir in the soy sauce and seasonings. Let simmer for 20-25 min.

Steve Lambert makes good work.

Reichstag Fire Lentil Patties

In 1933 someone set the German parliament building on fire. Been reading about Nazis for my moral psychology class.

The reason I ate these patties on sandwich bread is that Whole Foods (where I had to go to buy bulk nuts) didn't have hamburger buns that were free of both animal products and palm shortening. Palm oil is bad, friends. This spread isn't as good as the others I've made, but it goes pretty well with these patties. Oh, and the avocado was unnecessary. Best keep it simple with tomato.

makes approx. 4-6 patties

INGREDIENTS:

Patties
INGEDIENTS:
3/4 c. green lentils
1/4 c. long grain brown rice
2 small red onions, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 small carrots, peeled and diced
6 large crimini mushrooms, diced
1/4 c. broth (e.g., water from boiling navy beans)
1 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. coriander
1/4 tsp. turmeric
1/3 c. vital wheat gluten
1/3 c. bread crumbs

DIRECTIONS:
1. Simmer the lentils and rice together in a pot until tender. The lentils will be overcooked, but that's fine because you're just gonna mash 'em up anyway.
2. Sauté onion in a large pan with carrots and mushrooms. Add garlic, and couple minutes later add broth, lentils, and rice. Mash the lentils with a spatula. Mix in seasonings.
3. Preheat oven to 350F.
4. Let the mixture cool for a couple minutes. (Eat some to tide you over, it's good!) In a mixing bowl, mash it up some more, then add wheat gluten and bread crumbs. Knead with a wooden spoon — wouldn't want to get your hands dirty.
5. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Form patties and bake for 15 min. each side.
6. Heat some oil in a pan. Fry the patties a few minutes on each side to brown them and firm them up.

Spread
INGREDIENTS:
1 c. frozen edamame, thawed
1/2 c. frozen corn, thawed
1 c. spinach, tightly packed
1/4 c. broth
1/4 c. water
4 Tbsp. lemon juice
2 Tbsp. tahini
1/2 tsp. chili powder

DIRECTIONS:
1. Purée everything in a blender. Get frustrated that it's too thick to get properly smooth. Scrape the sides, stir with a spoon, pulse, shake, etc.