Amadou Diallo Shooting Tofu Scramble Burrito

On February 4, 1999, four plainclothes policemen murdered an unarmed 23-year-old Guinean immigrant in the Bronx. Amadou Diallo ran up the outside steps to his apartment door after four plain-looking white dudes "loudly identified themselves as NYPD officers" (i.e., "Stop, NYPD!"). No shit he did. Diallo pulled his wallet out of his pocket, which one of the officers proclaimed was a gun (he apparently needed his contacts prescription updated). The hysterical goon then tripped backwards off the step, which his fellow officers took to mean he'd been shot (they apparently needed cochlear implants). The police fired 41 bullets, hitting Diallo 19 times. If you aren't already clutching your head, get ready. "The internal NYPD investigation ruled the officers had acted within policy, based on what a reasonable police officer would have done in the same circumstances with the information they had" (emphasis added). What is this, the metaphysics of color perception? An unarmed guy got shot at 41 times at close range. I'm sure you know how this ended, but here goes anyway. After a grand jury in the Bronx indicted the officers on charges of second-degree murder and reckless endangerment (i.e., justice), an appellate court ordered a change of venue to Albany, where the officers were acquitted (i.e., injustice). I'm not even gonna bother quoting NWA.

I made this burrito on the suggestion of my friend C.

serves: 3-4

prep. time: approx. 25 min.

INGREDIENTS

tortilla

1 lb. extra firm tofu, crumbled or cubed

1 Field Roast chipotle sausage, chopped

1 crown broccoli, chopped

1 small yellow onion, sliced

1 jalapeno, diced

1/2 pint grape tomatoes, halved

1/4 c. nutritional yeast

soy sauce

turmeric

cumin

DIRECTIONS

1. Saute the tofu and onion in oil over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally.

2. Once the tofu is browned, add the broccoli and Field Roast and jalapeno. Douse with soy sauce.

3. After the broccoli has turned bright green, season and coast with nutritional yeast.

4. Heat the tomatoes just long enough to soften the skin.

5. Wrap up in a tortilla with guacamole, salsa, and/or nondairy sour cream (e.g., Tofutti).

The Day of Six Billion Tacos

Sorry, no, October 12, 1999 wasn't a day of six billion tacos, it was The Day of Six Billion, when Adnan Mević (born in Sarajevo, Bosnia-Herzegovina) was chosen by the UN as the symbolic six billionth concurrently living human on Earth. Next year: seven billion of us. I'm no eugenicist, but I think the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement ("vehement") is a worthwhile utopian project. Their website has a lot of good information and argumentation, both presented in a smart way, rhetorically speaking.

Tacos are so good, and foodstuffs that would otherwise only make a meal or two get stretched out over several lunches. Mine in the photo above are way overstuffed because my eyes are bigger than my common sense ("Why not just make three tacos?").

makes approx. 14 tacos

prep. time: approx. 45 min.

INGREDIENTS:

stack of corn tortillas

3/4 c. long grain brown rice

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 yellow squash, chopped

1 jalapeño, diced

1/2 red bell pepper, diced

1/4 c. (?) frozen corn

cumin

cayenne

salt

dash of red wine vinegar

2 plum tomatoes, chopped

3 avocados

lemon juice

salt

pepper

garlic powder

salsa

Tofutti sour cream

lime wedges

Daiya

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the rice.

2. In a pan over medium heat, cook the bell pepper, jalapeño, and squash in oil for 10 mins., or until browned. Season and ddd beans and corn. Cook for an additional 5 mins.

3. Prepare the guacamole by mashing the avocado meat with a fork. Whisk in other ingredients.

Bye for now!

First Parking Meter Soup

[Photo by A.]

The first parking meter was developed over two years by two engineering professors at Oklahoma State University and installed in Oklahoma City on July 16, 1935. The meter was called "Black Maria." I want to know why and I don't want to know why.

A. requested this soup, based on a version I made a couple months ago but didn't post about (apparently). It's thick and nutritious and delicious. Nuff said, here's the deets.

prep. time: approx. 1 hr

servings: approx. 8-10

INGREDIENTS:

2 c. vegetable broth

6 c. water

1 large yellow onion, diced

1 large yellow zucchini (or summer squash), chopped

1 large yellow bell pepper, sliced

2 small jalapeños, diced

3 cloves garlic, sliced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 c. quinoa
1 lb. firm silken tofu, cubed

4 stalks kale, leaves torn

1 c. frozen corn

1 15-oz. can black beans

1 package Daiya pepper jack

5 spoonfuls Tofutti sour cream

juice of 1/2 lime

juice of 1/4 lemon

1 bunch cilantro

cayenne

coriander

ground sea salt

ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:
1. Sauté onion with oil in a large pot over medium-high heat. Once slightly caramelized, add vegetable broth and water.
2. Meanwhile, sauté zucchini, bell pepper, and jalapeños in a pan. Once browned toss in garlic for a couple minutes, then add pan contents to the pot. Bring to a simmer.
3. Add lime and lemon juice, cilantro, and seasonings. Stir in quinoa.
4. After 5 minutes, add tofu. After another 5 minutes, add kale. After another couple minutes, add corn and black beans.
5. Once quinoa is cooked (should only take 15 minutes) and soup is desired viscosity, turn off the heat and stir in Daiya cheese and Tofutti sour cream. Let cool and thicken, serve with tortilla chips, Cholula hot sauce, and apple lime cider.

The Anxiety of Quesadillas

 

Harold Bloom was born 81 years ago and he's still at it. He's best known as a literary critic. I'm only familiar with his essay, "The Anxiety of Influence." I wonder if he's anxious at all about his own influence, or just about the pernicious trap of poetic influence. Strangely (and wryly), the "Influence" section of Bloom's Wikipedia page is a long list of declarations Bloom has made about who the best living writers are. Taste: the weakest kind of criticism.

Except when it comes to food! This quesadilla tasted good, which makes it a good quesadilla. This quesadilla is not plagued by the givenness of its form or the inescapability of its culinary lineage.

makes 2

INGREDIENTS:

2 large tortillas

1 package Daiya pepper jack

1 package Daiya mozzarella

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

2 jalapenos, diced

2 Roma tomatoes, diced

1/4 c. chopped green onion

1/2 red bell pepper, diced

4 white mushrooms, sliced

ground sea salt

cumin

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a pan over medium heat, sauté the vegetables. Season with a little bit of salt and cumin. Transfer to a bowl.

2. Lightly coat the pan in oil and place a tortilla on it. Cover with pepper jack cheese, spread half of the vegetables on top, cover with mozzarella, and place the second tortilla on top.

3. After approx. 6-8 minutes, flip. If you do like we did and use a cast iron pan, put a plate face-down on the quesadilla. My girlfriend donned oven mitts and caught the plate as I rotated the pan. Cook the other side until browned.

4. Serve with salsa (in this case fresh store-bought), guacamole (homemade: I think my girlfriend used two avocados, a bunch of cilantro, lots of lime juice, and some salt), and vegan sour cream (Tofutti).

If you like reading my comic, here's the latest (acknowledgments: Donnie Darko). The editor of Tiny Mix Tapes sent me this link. How does anyone find anything on Twitter?

I wrote another very short story for Nanoism.

Dad Dinner: Death of Charles Dickens Tacos

Charles Dickens died 141 years ago to the day. He wanted a no-frills burial at Rochester Cathedral but was instead interred at Westminster Abbey. Oops. Confession: I have never read anything Charles Dickens wrote. Oops.

Tonight's dinner was prepared by my father, but I lurked in the kitchen so I know what went down. My mom likes hard shell tacos, and the kind we used have flattened bottoms. "Stand 'em up" tacos, or something. Pretty neat, actually, and they tend to collapse less frequently and sloppily than their round-bottomed cousins.

makes approx. 8-10 tacos

INGREDIENTS:

<1 c. short-grain brown rice

2 zucchini, sliced

1/2 red bell pepper, diced

1/2 large jalapeño, diced

1 15-oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 14.5-oz. can diced fire-roasted tomatoes with garlic

4 green onions, chopped (used these because they were getting old)

2 cloves garlic, minced

cumin

chili powder

chipotle chili pepper powder

dried parsely

oregano

celery salt

ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:

1. Put on the rice.

2. Sauté the onions with oil in a pot over medium-high heat. After a few minutes, add the garlic, can of tomatoes, black beans, garlic, and seasoning (some of everything, with tons of chili powder). Reduce heat to low and let simmer until the rice is done.

3. Sauté the zucchini with seasoning in oil in a pan over medium-high heat for seven minutes.

4. Pop the taco shells in the oven (325F for several minutes).

5. Assemble the tacos. Besides the rice, bean and tomato stuff, and zucchini, there's raw red pepper and jalapeño, as well as lettuce or other leafy greens and salsa. Some corn would be nice, too, although we didn't have any. And mushrooms! Next time.

After I finished filling my first stand-up taco, it promptly fell over. Poor thing couldn't hold its weight.

 

Dinner for Parents

Tonight I made dinner for three. (Wish you were here, Leigh!)

THE MENU:

1. Black bean burgers.

2. Zucchini and summer squash fried with onion.

3. Chocolate avocado cake. (Thanks, Izzy Darby!)

The recipe called for 2 c. sugar; I used a little more than 1 c. I also recommend sticking the frosting in the freezer. Or adding some sort of thickener. (Ground flax seed? A bit of flour? Melted chocolate? Yes, next time I think I'll make ganache instead of avocado-based frosting.)

Looks like I haven't posted a recipe for black bean patties yet, so here it is. I forgot to make rice, but lately I've been using 1/4 c. rice in my patties.

makes 4 large patties

INGREDIENTS:

1 15-oz. can black beans, rinsed

1/2 green bell pepper, diced

1/2 yellow onion, diced

1 jalapeño, diced
3 cloves garlic, diced
soy sauce
olive oil
apple cider vinegar
1/3 c. bread crumbs
1/2 c. wheat gluten
1 Tbsp. ground flax seed
2 Tbsp. water
cumin
chipotle chili powder
coriander
dried cilantro

DIRECTIONS:
1. Mash the beans in a large bowl.
2. Sauté the onion, peppers, and garlic in a pan over medium heat. Wait to add the garlic or it might burn.
3. Stir the ground flax seed and water in a small bowl.
4. Mix the contents of the pan into the mashed beans. Pour in some soy sauce and apple cider vinegar (approx. 3 Tbsp. and 1 Tbsp., respectively) and olive oil (something like 1/4 c.). Add the flax seed and water mixture (i.e., a flax egg... I think). Season to taste and mix it all together.
5. Add the breadcrumbs and wheat gluten. Stir with a wooden spoon or whatever you used to mash the beans, then knead until gluten strings form.
6. Fry in some oil in a large pan on medium-high for 10 or so, or as long as it takes to get each side browned and crispy.

John Dewey Curry Chili

John Dewey died June 1, 1952. Haven't read much of his work, but now that I've looked around for things to post, at some point I'd like to read Art as Experience. There's a nice summary of it over at the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

I made this dinner for me and my parents last night. And this post ends a months-long hiatus throughout which I'm sure you were forlorn at the loss of new historically and gastronomically educational postings. I'm going to post tonight dinner, too, so I'll keep this one snappy.

makes approx. 6 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 1/2 c. short grain brown rice (you'll need more than this, probably)

1/2 c. red lentils

1 15-oz. can red kidney beans

1 small eggplant, peeled and cubed

1 sweet potato, peeled and cubed

1 large red onion, diced

1 16-oz. can diced tomatoes

1 c. cashews

3 c. water

3 cloves garlic

1 jalapeño, diced

2 spoonfuls chili paste with garlic

curry powder

juice of 1/2 lemon

DIRECTIONS

1. Soak cashews in 1 c. water overnight.

2. Simmer rice 45 min.

3. In a large pot, sauté onion in oil for a few minutes over medium-high heat. Add eggplant and sweet potato.

4. In a blender, pureé cashews with water, garlic, and lemon juice.

5. Add 2 c. water, diced tomatoes, chili paste, and curry powder to pot. Cover and simmer for 15 min.

6. Add cashew pureé, jalapeño, and red lentils. After 10 min., add kidney beans. After another 5 min., cut heat.

If you run out of rice it might be nice to have this with some pita bread and an arugula/spinach mix.

Kansas Red Kidney Bean Patty Open Sandwich with Green Spread

 

That title's a mouthful, and so is this recipe! Hahaha ugh. This one's named for the 150th anniversary of Kansas' admission as the 34th state. It makes use of the failed bread recipe from yesterday, which I thought I'd be able to fry like chapati bread. I was wrong. Since the dough is sort of sticky it made a mess in the pan. So I rolled it up again, flattened it out, and baked it. Bam. Kinda weird, but whatever. I think tomorrow I'll venture a third attempt at recuperating all that flour by boiling the dough. Bagels?

One thing to note is that I meant to use only 1/4 cup of water in the patties but wasn't paying attention to the measuring cups and used 1/3. There seems to be a new trend in my cooking of failure to properly mind water.

makes approx. 4-5 servings

Patties

INGREDIENTS:

1 15.5-oz. can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed

1/2 c. bread crumbs

1/2 c. vital wheat gluten

1/3 c. water

2 Tbsp. shoyu soy sauce

2 Tbsp. olive oil

1 small white onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 tsp. tarragon

1 tsp. sage

1/2 tsp. thyme

1/2 tsp. paprika

DIRECTIONS:

1. Fry the onion in a pan with some oil over medium heat. When translucent, add garlic for a minute or two. Remove from heat.

2. Preheat the oven to 350F.

2. Mash the kidney beans in a large mixing bowl with a wooden spoon or other blunt instrument. Add everything else, mix together, and knead with your hands until it holds together in a dough. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, form the dough into patties, and stick those suckers in the oven. After 15 min., flip them and flatten them out if need be, then bake for another 15 min.

Spread

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 c. cashews

1/2 c. water

1 red bell pepper
1 avocado, skinned

1 jalapeno, chopped and partially seeded

1 Tbsp. sunflower oil

2 Tbsp. tahini

1 handful cilantro

1/3 c. water

1/4 tsp. salt

juice of 1/2 lemon

ground black pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Soak the cashews in water for several hours.

2. Roast the bell pepper over your gas burner. If you've got electric you're out of luck. I held the pepper by the stem, removed the grate (or whatever it's called), and cranked the burner to Hi. Wait for the skin to sizzle and blacken. Once it's crispy, place the pepper in a bowl and cover (e.g., with a dish towel).

3. Puree the cashews and water in a blender. Add remaining ingredients except bell pepper. Puree.

4. Seed the bell pepper. It's turn has come, so jam it into the bottom of the blender and press the button.

"Bun"

INGREDIENTS:

1 failed recipe of yeast bread

DIRECTIONS:

1. Attempt to fry in a pan over high heat. Remove from heat, knead, and form into a patty.

2. Bake at 350F for 10 minutes.

This is one of the only meals I've eaten with a fork and knife since going vegan. Maybe it's because I like to cut things up pretty well before cooking them, but a knife is only really essential when you're trying to slice through flesh.

I recently bought a book from Friends of Animals by Lee Hall, On Their Own Terms. According to some guy on the back cover, "In this fascinating and illuminating book, Lee Hall calls [...] upon us to seek and celebrate a world where fish can swim, free in clean water, and bees and birds can fly in peace. And it offers a plan to make it happen." Can't wait!

Mike Patton Eggplant and Potato Curry

I didn't post anything yesterday because me and the roommates went out to a pan-Asian place to "celebrate" the first day of classes. It wasn't too vegan-friendly, so the less said the better. Turns out January 27 commemorates some horrible events. Luckily, today is also Mike Patton's birthday, so this curry is in his honor. He was/is the vocalist for like 8 million influential bands. Haven't really listened to his work since high school, but still got respect. Check out his band Fantômas.

I acknowledged in an earlier post that I'm not too good at making one-pot meals. Why don't I listen to myself? This came out fine, but all of the durations and some of the measurements are approximations based on little more than hunch. And I still haven't figured out how to make thick curry.

INGREDIENTS:
1 c. rice
1 medium red onion, diced
1/2 small bulb garlic, pressed
1 large eggplant, sliced into French fry-esque strips
1 small eggplant, similarly sliced
1 1/2 lb. red potatoes, quartered
3 1/2 c. water
1 14-oz. can fire roasted diced tomatoes with green chilies
1 13.5-oz. can light coconut milk
1 small jalapeno, chopped
2 tsp. fenugreek seeds
1 tsp. garam masala
1 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. cardamom
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. turmeric
1/4 tsp. coriander
1/4 tsp. cayenne (90K Scoville)
1/4 c. cilantro
oil

DIRECTIONS:
1. Cook rice.
2. Fry the onion with oil in the bottom of a large stock pot. When translucent, add garlic. After a minute, add the eggplant and potato as you finish cutting. I actually added the small eggplant halfway through cooking because I panicked that the ratio was all wrong. You should probably not follow that example.
3. Add 2 c. water, cover and bring to a boil. Lower heat to medium and cook for something like 10-15 minutes.
4. Lower heat to medium-low. Add seasoning, optionally reserve half the cilantro for garnish. If it needs more water, use up to 1 1/2 c. Put the lid on leaving space for the steam to escape. Cook for 30-45 minutes, or until the eggplant is squishy and the potatoes are soft.

Green Lentil Patties with Spicy Green Spread

I didn't actually end up eating both of these. I went overboard with the spread so I was pretty full. If you anticipate liking the spread, consider increasing the recipe by 50-100%; I'm not sure I'll have enough to cover all the patties I made.

These were damn good, but next time I might cut down on the breadcrumbs a tad and substitute some wheat gluten. If you have a food processor (I don't), there's nothing to worry about. Also, I'm running low on spices so instead of using cumin and thyme or something I used garam masala, paprika, and coriander. Worked fine. The recipe for the patties is adapted from Isa's Olive Lentil Burgers.

makes 4-6 patties

Patties

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 c. green lentils, uncooked

1 small yellow onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

2 handfuls shiitake mushrooms, stemmed and diced

1 c. breadcrumbs

2 Tbsp. oil

2 Tbsp. soy sauce

1/2 tsp. garam masala

1/2 tsp. paprika

1/4 tsp. coriander

ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook lentils. Drain and set aside.

2. Fry the onions in a pan for a few minutes. Add the garlic, then a minute later throw in the mushrooms. Cook for another several minutes, then set aside.

3. Preheat the oven to 350F.

4. In a mixing bowl, combine the lentils, contents of the pan, and everything else besides 1/2 c. of the breadcrumbs. Mash for a few minutes until the mixture begins to coalesce.

5. Add in the remaining breadcrumbs (or wheat gluten if you're trying that) and knead until a dough forms.

6. Apportion the dough into between 4 and 6 patties, depending on how fat you want them.

7. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and place the patties on it. Bake for 12-15 minutes, then flip and bake on the other side for approximately the same amount of time.

Spread

INGREDIENTS:

2 c. shelled edamame

1 jalapeno, chopped

6 sun-dried red tomatoes

1/3 c. pine nuts

4 Tbsp. oil

3/4 c. water
juice of 1/4 lemon
1/4 tsp. lemon zest

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the edamame in a pan over medium heat for a couple minutes. Add the jalapeno, and after another couple minutes add the pine nuts. Pine nuts burn easily, but they shouldn't be too bad in there with other things. Cook until you can smell the pine nuts or until you catch a sight of some browning. Remove from the heat.

2. Place the sun-dried tomatoes, water, oil, and contents of pan in a blender. (Secret: I used 1 Tbsp. peanut oil. Magic.) Puree until relatively consistent.

Done! There is one major cost, though...

For those who read to the end, here's a special treat. I figure I'll start posting cool non-food links. I had never heard of Charles Cohen, Jeff Cain, or this album until the other day, but it has got to be one of the coolest things from 1981. I wasn't even alive!