Abolition of the House of Lords Quinoa Salad

On March 19, 1649, the House of Commons passed an act abolishing the House of Lords, stating, "The Commons of England [find] by too long experience that the House of Lords is useless and dangerous to the people of England." Take that, nobility! Oh, but then it reconvened little more than ten years later, when the monarchy was restored. Those pesky aristocrats.

It's been freakishly summery here in B'klyn and the City. So a few days ago I made this simple, mostly raw salad. You could totally jazz it up with some apple cider vinegar and maybe like some, uh, I don't know.

INGREDIENTS

2/3 c. tri-color quinoa

1 red bell pepper, diced

1 mango, peeled and cubed or diced

1/2 cucumber, chopped or diced

1 avocado, chopped

grapeseed oil

nutritional yeast

juice of 1/4 lemon

DIRECTIONS

1. Cook quinoa

2. Toss everything together

My review of Nic Cage's new film isn't soft.

Birth and Death of John of God Curry

 

Made this curry in VT on March 8 for my friend W.'s birthday, which also happens to be the birthday and deathday of John of God, a 16th-century Portuguese who's a big-shot dead guy in Spain, apparently. He experienced a religious conversion while listening to a sermon, went insane, was committed to an asylum, and when he got out he realized that the poor and vulnerable deserved better treatment than he'd received. I'll be damned if I know how to define the good life intensionally (no, I didn't spell that wrong), but if all you're looking for is an ostensive definition, John of God's Wiki bio serves nicely.

If you're making this for a normal-sized group of people, cut everything in half. I probably could have cut everything in half and been fine, because we had eight people but almost as many dishes (including kale and quinoa salad, pictured).

INGREDIENTS

2 cans coconut milk

2 lb. bag of brown jasmine rice

2 sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed

2 red bell peppers, diced

2 red habanero peppers, diced

2 cans chickpeas

at least 1/2 bulb garlic, minced

curry powder

salt

DIRECTIONS

1. Cook the rice.

2. Heat coconut milk in a large pot. Toss in potatoes and simmer.

3. Saute peppers and garlic in a pan with some coconut or olive or seed oil.

4. Add pan contents and chickpeas to pot, along with curry powder and salt. Reduce until desired consistency.

Review of Gerhard Richter Painting to be published tomorrow. Until then, enjoy a couple of videos I made recently (more to come): http://vimeo.com/timterhaar

Harold Shipman Meets the Same Fate as His 218 Victims Quinoa Dish

In 2004, Harold Shipman hung himself in his cell. He was 57, 16 years older than his youngest victim. Shipman was a doctor who killed his patients by administering heroin. I'm not sure how that sufficed, because he didn't totally whack them out on it. There must have been more to his methodology, but I'm not morbid enough right now to find out. ... Never mind, the Guardian claims that his method was always "a swift injection of diamorphine—pharmaceutical heroin." I guess that'll do it.

Haven't been updating much of late because I was home for a couple weeks and then moving. I'm now settled in my little room in a little basement in Bushwick. The little kitchen is a bit difficult to manage, but I'm going to try to keep up my cooking. Today's late lunch (4:30) was a strange version of edamame salad.

serves: 2-3

prep. time: approx. 20 min.

INGREDIENTS

2/3 c. tri-color quinoa (the best kind!)

1 can green pigeon peas (because pigeons are wonderful animals!)

1 red bell pepper, diced

2 shallots, sliced

juice of 1/2 lemon

cumin

coriander

dried basil

Bragg's liquid aminos

Sriracha hot sauce

DIRECTIONS:

1. Simmer the quinoa in 1 1/2 c. water for 15 min.

2. Saute the pepper and shallots in olive oil over medium-high heat for several minutes. Add the green pigeon peas and Bragg's.

3. Squeeze lemon juice; season.

Got the job application blues. May they give way to the salaried job greens.

The Day of Six Billion Tacos

Sorry, no, October 12, 1999 wasn't a day of six billion tacos, it was The Day of Six Billion, when Adnan Mević (born in Sarajevo, Bosnia-Herzegovina) was chosen by the UN as the symbolic six billionth concurrently living human on Earth. Next year: seven billion of us. I'm no eugenicist, but I think the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement ("vehement") is a worthwhile utopian project. Their website has a lot of good information and argumentation, both presented in a smart way, rhetorically speaking.

Tacos are so good, and foodstuffs that would otherwise only make a meal or two get stretched out over several lunches. Mine in the photo above are way overstuffed because my eyes are bigger than my common sense ("Why not just make three tacos?").

makes approx. 14 tacos

prep. time: approx. 45 min.

INGREDIENTS:

stack of corn tortillas

3/4 c. long grain brown rice

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 yellow squash, chopped

1 jalapeño, diced

1/2 red bell pepper, diced

1/4 c. (?) frozen corn

cumin

cayenne

salt

dash of red wine vinegar

2 plum tomatoes, chopped

3 avocados

lemon juice

salt

pepper

garlic powder

salsa

Tofutti sour cream

lime wedges

Daiya

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the rice.

2. In a pan over medium heat, cook the bell pepper, jalapeño, and squash in oil for 10 mins., or until browned. Season and ddd beans and corn. Cook for an additional 5 mins.

3. Prepare the guacamole by mashing the avocado meat with a fork. Whisk in other ingredients.

Bye for now!

Taliesin Portabello Mushroom Burger with Mashed Potatoes and Broccolini

On August 15, 1914 one of Frank Lloyd Wright's servants, Julian Carlton, set fire to the living quarters of the Taliesin studio in Iowa. He then murdered seven people with an axe, including Wright's mistress and her two children. Carlton survived but died in jail six weeks later. Wright built Taliesin II, only to have it burn down again (due to accident) little more than ten years later. Taliesin III still stands.

The US is not a place of pure evil, it turns out, but only a place where people do evil things, as in all places. A. called her insurance provider this morning, and was only on the phone for half an hour before settling that she did not have another US insurance plan and so does not have to pay the several exorbitant bills she received. And her wallet turned out not to be lost but only hidden under some posters designed by our friend D., which say: "Hope keeps you down." Not losing things will raise you up.

Last night, A. made what you see above: mm-MM! Ingredients and directions involve guesswork on my part.

servings: 2

prep. time: approx. 45 min.

INGREDIENTS:

2 large portabello mushrooms

1 red bell pepper, cut into 6-8 strips

red onion, sliced

hot banana pepper rings

arugula

balsamic vinegar

olive oil

Vegenaise

cayenne

1 clove garlic, pressed

olive oil
lots of lemon juice

brocollini

2 Yukon Gold potatoes, cubed

2 cloves garlic, pressed

2 Tbsp. Earth Balance

1/2 tsp. nutmeg

almond milk

salt

pepper

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat the oven to 400F. Rub balsamic vinegar and olive oil on the mushrooms. Bake for 30 min., or until tender.

2. Boil the potatoes in water. When a fork goes through them, drain and mash in a bowl with the garlic, nutmeg, Earth Balance, and as much almond milk as it takes to get the potatoes creamy. Add salt and pepper to taste.

3. Fry the broccolini over medium heat. Do the same for the red pepper, but get it hot enough to char a little.

4. To prepare the aioli, whisk the Vegenaise with olive oil and garlic. Mix in cayenne.

5. Put the burgers together, with the ingredients listed above or whatever else you want.

The Anxiety of Quesadillas

 

Harold Bloom was born 81 years ago and he's still at it. He's best known as a literary critic. I'm only familiar with his essay, "The Anxiety of Influence." I wonder if he's anxious at all about his own influence, or just about the pernicious trap of poetic influence. Strangely (and wryly), the "Influence" section of Bloom's Wikipedia page is a long list of declarations Bloom has made about who the best living writers are. Taste: the weakest kind of criticism.

Except when it comes to food! This quesadilla tasted good, which makes it a good quesadilla. This quesadilla is not plagued by the givenness of its form or the inescapability of its culinary lineage.

makes 2

INGREDIENTS:

2 large tortillas

1 package Daiya pepper jack

1 package Daiya mozzarella

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

2 jalapenos, diced

2 Roma tomatoes, diced

1/4 c. chopped green onion

1/2 red bell pepper, diced

4 white mushrooms, sliced

ground sea salt

cumin

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a pan over medium heat, sauté the vegetables. Season with a little bit of salt and cumin. Transfer to a bowl.

2. Lightly coat the pan in oil and place a tortilla on it. Cover with pepper jack cheese, spread half of the vegetables on top, cover with mozzarella, and place the second tortilla on top.

3. After approx. 6-8 minutes, flip. If you do like we did and use a cast iron pan, put a plate face-down on the quesadilla. My girlfriend donned oven mitts and caught the plate as I rotated the pan. Cook the other side until browned.

4. Serve with salsa (in this case fresh store-bought), guacamole (homemade: I think my girlfriend used two avocados, a bunch of cilantro, lots of lime juice, and some salt), and vegan sour cream (Tofutti).

If you like reading my comic, here's the latest (acknowledgments: Donnie Darko). The editor of Tiny Mix Tapes sent me this link. How does anyone find anything on Twitter?

I wrote another very short story for Nanoism.

Last of the Great Auks Miso Soup, Red Curry, and Salad

The Great Auk was a beautiful, penguin-like flightless bird. You can look at a wonderful illustration by John James Audubon here. (And then you should look up Walton Ford.) So why haven't you ever seen a real life auk? I quote Wikipedia:

The last colony of Great Auks lived on Geirfuglasker (the "Great Auk Rock") off Iceland. This islet was a volcanic rock surrounded by cliffs which made it inaccessible to humans, but in 1830 the islet submerged after a volcanic eruption, and the birds moved to the nearby island of Eldey, which was accessible from a single side. When the colony was initially discovered in 1835, nearly fifty birds were present. Museums, desiring the skins of the auk for preservation and display, quickly began collecting birds from the colony. The last pair, found incubating an egg, was killed there on 3 July 1844, with Jón Brandsson and Sigurður Ísleifsson strangling the adults and Ketill Ketilsson smashing the egg with his boot.

Oy. Vey. Strangulation less likely to damage the skins? More likely to damage the psyche. Extinction: first as tragedy, then again as tragedy. (Or is the farcical return the Apocalypse?) "The last pair, found incubating an egg..." puts meteors in my dreams. Worth considering is whether the modern policy of preserving species in captivity is substantively different than preserving a species in taxidermy. Considered worth a No.

I'm in Beautiful British Columbia now. Yesterday made food for girlfriend's family. A warming night in a place cooler than I'm used to this time of year. Gf made miso soup in the afternoon.

Fermented soy, tofu, mushrooms, green onion, spinach. Yumsies. She also made salad: lettuce and parsley with lemon vinegar dressing.

And now the curry recipe. Next time we'll use more cayenne, more basil, and more red pepper. And not slice the basil leaves.

makes approx. 7 servings

INGREDIENTS:

2 1/2 c. basmati rice

1 lb. tofu

1/2 head of cauliflower, chopped

1 red bell pepper, sliced

2 handfuls little potatoes, cubed

1 red onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, minced

2 cans light coconut milk
1 handful Thai basil, sliced

4 spoonfuls curry paste

curry powder

cayenne

ground sea salt

ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the rice according to package directions.

2. In a large pot, sauté onion in oil over medium-high heat. Stir occasionally, add garlic after several minutes. Add red pepper and tofu.
3. Boil the potatoes in water. Don't cook them too long, but as soon as they're tender transfer them with a slotted spoon to the pot. Boil the cauliflower for a few minutes.
4. Add the cauliflower to the pot, then pour in the coconut milk. Add the curry paste, basil, and seasonings. Lower the heat and reduce until desired consistency.

One more thing. A few days ago we went to Palace Playland in Old Orchard Beach, ME. I've been terrified of amusement park rides my whole life, ever since I went on Rocky Mountain Railroad at Disneyland as a young child and felt like I was going to die. My uncle convinced me to go on a proper roller coaster several years later, but it must have been equally traumatizing because I've repressed all memory of it between the initial ascent and stepping off onto firm ground. But my girlfriend's giddiness got me so excited I steeled myself and rode both the Galaxi and the Power Surge. And I loved it! I've never felt so relaxed and fuzzy as I did after being spun through the air with my feet dangling.

110 MPH Salad

According to the Internet, yesterday Ryan Dunn "of Jackass fame" drove into a tree at 110 MPH while intoxicated. There are probably a bunch of really distasteful jokes on Twitter.

This salad was good. This guacamole was better. And this sweet potato medallions. I intended to use 1 c. quinoa for the salad but ran out and decided to top off the measuring cup with red lentils. Whatever works!

makes approx. 4-6 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 15-oz. can black beans

1 c. quinoa and red lentils, in roughly equal proportion

1 mango, peeled and diced

1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced

bunch o' cilantro, chopped

cumin

chipotle chili powder

juice of at least 1 lime

DIRECTIONS:

1. Simmer the quinoa and red lentils for 15-20 min.

2. Toss everything together.

Dad Dinner: Death of Charles Dickens Tacos

Charles Dickens died 141 years ago to the day. He wanted a no-frills burial at Rochester Cathedral but was instead interred at Westminster Abbey. Oops. Confession: I have never read anything Charles Dickens wrote. Oops.

Tonight's dinner was prepared by my father, but I lurked in the kitchen so I know what went down. My mom likes hard shell tacos, and the kind we used have flattened bottoms. "Stand 'em up" tacos, or something. Pretty neat, actually, and they tend to collapse less frequently and sloppily than their round-bottomed cousins.

makes approx. 8-10 tacos

INGREDIENTS:

<1 c. short-grain brown rice

2 zucchini, sliced

1/2 red bell pepper, diced

1/2 large jalapeño, diced

1 15-oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 14.5-oz. can diced fire-roasted tomatoes with garlic

4 green onions, chopped (used these because they were getting old)

2 cloves garlic, minced

cumin

chili powder

chipotle chili pepper powder

dried parsely

oregano

celery salt

ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:

1. Put on the rice.

2. Sauté the onions with oil in a pot over medium-high heat. After a few minutes, add the garlic, can of tomatoes, black beans, garlic, and seasoning (some of everything, with tons of chili powder). Reduce heat to low and let simmer until the rice is done.

3. Sauté the zucchini with seasoning in oil in a pan over medium-high heat for seven minutes.

4. Pop the taco shells in the oven (325F for several minutes).

5. Assemble the tacos. Besides the rice, bean and tomato stuff, and zucchini, there's raw red pepper and jalapeño, as well as lettuce or other leafy greens and salsa. Some corn would be nice, too, although we didn't have any. And mushrooms! Next time.

After I finished filling my first stand-up taco, it promptly fell over. Poor thing couldn't hold its weight.

 

Kansas Red Kidney Bean Patty Open Sandwich with Green Spread

 

That title's a mouthful, and so is this recipe! Hahaha ugh. This one's named for the 150th anniversary of Kansas' admission as the 34th state. It makes use of the failed bread recipe from yesterday, which I thought I'd be able to fry like chapati bread. I was wrong. Since the dough is sort of sticky it made a mess in the pan. So I rolled it up again, flattened it out, and baked it. Bam. Kinda weird, but whatever. I think tomorrow I'll venture a third attempt at recuperating all that flour by boiling the dough. Bagels?

One thing to note is that I meant to use only 1/4 cup of water in the patties but wasn't paying attention to the measuring cups and used 1/3. There seems to be a new trend in my cooking of failure to properly mind water.

makes approx. 4-5 servings

Patties

INGREDIENTS:

1 15.5-oz. can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed

1/2 c. bread crumbs

1/2 c. vital wheat gluten

1/3 c. water

2 Tbsp. shoyu soy sauce

2 Tbsp. olive oil

1 small white onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 tsp. tarragon

1 tsp. sage

1/2 tsp. thyme

1/2 tsp. paprika

DIRECTIONS:

1. Fry the onion in a pan with some oil over medium heat. When translucent, add garlic for a minute or two. Remove from heat.

2. Preheat the oven to 350F.

2. Mash the kidney beans in a large mixing bowl with a wooden spoon or other blunt instrument. Add everything else, mix together, and knead with your hands until it holds together in a dough. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, form the dough into patties, and stick those suckers in the oven. After 15 min., flip them and flatten them out if need be, then bake for another 15 min.

Spread

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 c. cashews

1/2 c. water

1 red bell pepper
1 avocado, skinned

1 jalapeno, chopped and partially seeded

1 Tbsp. sunflower oil

2 Tbsp. tahini

1 handful cilantro

1/3 c. water

1/4 tsp. salt

juice of 1/2 lemon

ground black pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Soak the cashews in water for several hours.

2. Roast the bell pepper over your gas burner. If you've got electric you're out of luck. I held the pepper by the stem, removed the grate (or whatever it's called), and cranked the burner to Hi. Wait for the skin to sizzle and blacken. Once it's crispy, place the pepper in a bowl and cover (e.g., with a dish towel).

3. Puree the cashews and water in a blender. Add remaining ingredients except bell pepper. Puree.

4. Seed the bell pepper. It's turn has come, so jam it into the bottom of the blender and press the button.

"Bun"

INGREDIENTS:

1 failed recipe of yeast bread

DIRECTIONS:

1. Attempt to fry in a pan over high heat. Remove from heat, knead, and form into a patty.

2. Bake at 350F for 10 minutes.

This is one of the only meals I've eaten with a fork and knife since going vegan. Maybe it's because I like to cut things up pretty well before cooking them, but a knife is only really essential when you're trying to slice through flesh.

I recently bought a book from Friends of Animals by Lee Hall, On Their Own Terms. According to some guy on the back cover, "In this fascinating and illuminating book, Lee Hall calls [...] upon us to seek and celebrate a world where fish can swim, free in clean water, and bees and birds can fly in peace. And it offers a plan to make it happen." Can't wait!