Communication Satellites Collision Two Dinners

Three years ago to the day, two communication satellites collided in orbit above Siberia at velocities greater than escape velocity. BOOM! It was 'the first accidental hypervelocity collision between two intact artificial satellites in Earth orbit.' Only one was operational. There was a ton of debris, which hasn't caused any damage to other satellites. Cool.

I can't access the internet at my apartment, so I'm posting this from a cafe down the street. I won't post recipes for these dishes. Above is just rice and lentils (unseasoned), with steamed and then sauteed beets, beet greens, and broccoli. Below is penne with a sauce made from four tomatoes, the better part of an eggplant, and a yellow onion, seasoned with dried oregano, basil, and parsley.

I'll have two film reviews for you soon.

Amadou Diallo Shooting Tofu Scramble Burrito

On February 4, 1999, four plainclothes policemen murdered an unarmed 23-year-old Guinean immigrant in the Bronx. Amadou Diallo ran up the outside steps to his apartment door after four plain-looking white dudes "loudly identified themselves as NYPD officers" (i.e., "Stop, NYPD!"). No shit he did. Diallo pulled his wallet out of his pocket, which one of the officers proclaimed was a gun (he apparently needed his contacts prescription updated). The hysterical goon then tripped backwards off the step, which his fellow officers took to mean he'd been shot (they apparently needed cochlear implants). The police fired 41 bullets, hitting Diallo 19 times. If you aren't already clutching your head, get ready. "The internal NYPD investigation ruled the officers had acted within policy, based on what a reasonable police officer would have done in the same circumstances with the information they had" (emphasis added). What is this, the metaphysics of color perception? An unarmed guy got shot at 41 times at close range. I'm sure you know how this ended, but here goes anyway. After a grand jury in the Bronx indicted the officers on charges of second-degree murder and reckless endangerment (i.e., justice), an appellate court ordered a change of venue to Albany, where the officers were acquitted (i.e., injustice). I'm not even gonna bother quoting NWA.

I made this burrito on the suggestion of my friend C.

serves: 3-4

prep. time: approx. 25 min.

INGREDIENTS

tortilla

1 lb. extra firm tofu, crumbled or cubed

1 Field Roast chipotle sausage, chopped

1 crown broccoli, chopped

1 small yellow onion, sliced

1 jalapeno, diced

1/2 pint grape tomatoes, halved

1/4 c. nutritional yeast

soy sauce

turmeric

cumin

DIRECTIONS

1. Saute the tofu and onion in oil over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally.

2. Once the tofu is browned, add the broccoli and Field Roast and jalapeno. Douse with soy sauce.

3. After the broccoli has turned bright green, season and coast with nutritional yeast.

4. Heat the tomatoes just long enough to soften the skin.

5. Wrap up in a tortilla with guacamole, salsa, and/or nondairy sour cream (e.g., Tofutti).

Office of Homeland Security Dragon Bowl

A decade ago on October 8, George W. Bush announced the establishment of the Office of Homeland Security. A couple of days ago, the media reported on an Iranian assassination plot against the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the US. The US government better not be preparing the ground for military action against Iran, because people are already in the streets and we know now that Homeland Security has nothing to do with safety.

A. made this deliciousness. The miso gravy recipe she used is based on the gravy at The Naam, a restaurant in Vancouver that we went to many times in July.

serves: 4

prep. time: approx. 1 hour

INGREDIENTS:

2 Idaho potatoes, sliced in eighths

1 lb. tofu, cubed

flour

1 beet

1 large carrot, chopped

1 head of broccoli, chopped

1 head of cauliflower, chopped

alfalfa sprouts

DIRECTIONS:

1. Toss the potatoes in a bit of vegetable oil. Grease a pan and preheat the oven to 425F. Bake the potatoes for 20 mins., flip and bake for another 25-30 mins.

2. Boil the beet. Peel the beet. Chop up the beet.

3. Roll the tofu cubes in flour. Fry in a pan with oil over medium-high heat until crispy.

4. Steam the other veggies.

5. Layer in a bowl in the following order: potato, tofu, gravy, beet and carrot, gravy, broccoli and cauliflower, gravy, alfalfa sprouts

Harry Dean Stanton's Natal Day Pasta

 

Harry Dean Stanton is 85 today! He's been in a million and a half films. I've seen only several of them, most recently Paris, Texas. Sort of ambivalent about it, but Ry Cooder's soundtrack is incredible. My girlfriend and I are listening to it right now.

Tonight's meal was prepared almost entirely by my girlfriend. She's better at pastas than I am. I boiled the pasta and cut the broccoli and patted myself on the back and danced to some old songs (rap and punk) I hadn't listened to in months or years.

makes approx. 3-4 servings

INGREDIENTS:

2/3 lb. penne pasta

2 crowns broccoli, florets

3 portabello mushrooms, sliced

1/3 package Yves vegan pepperoni, diced

1 handful sun-dried black olives, quartered

1 handful grape tomatoes, halved

3 large cloves of garlic, minced

handful Daiya mozzarella

dried basil

dried thyme [Update: My girlfriend would like to stress that absolutely no thyme was used in this recipe and thyme is not a proper Italian herb and she does not cook with thyme but with oregano.]

ground sea salt

ground black pepper

olive oil

Earth Balance spread

hot chili oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the pasta.

2. Sauté the broccoli in oil and Earth Balance over medium heat. After a few minutes, add the mushrooms. Then comes the pepperoni.

3. When the pasta's done, drain it. Pour more olive oil and Earth Balance in the pot and sauté the garlic, olives, and grape tomatoes. Season with oregano and basil (and red pepper flakes, if you've got them). Toss the penne back in and mix together.

4. Season with salt and pepper. Add the contents of the pan to the pot and cook over low heat for a while. Drizzle hot chili oil over everything, followed by some Daiya.

Again, this recipe has been brought to you by my girlfriend. The following photo of Harry Dean Stanton and companions is brought to you by Gawker.

Jello Macaroni and Cheese with Broccoli and Mushrooms

 

Bet I faked you out with that title, huh? There's no Jell-O brand pudding snack in this mac, but Jello Biafra was born on June 17, 1958. He fronted the Dead Kennedys, ran for mayor of San Francisco (on a platform with several great points, including requiring that businessmen wear clown suits within city limits, legalizing squatting in vacant, tax-delinquent buildings, and requiring that police officers run for election), and tied for second in the 2000 Green Party presidential candidate race.

This mac 'n' cheese goes great with some hot sauce.

makes approx. 6 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. elbow macaroni

Daiya cheese, mozzarella and cheddar varieties

Panko bread crumbs

2 c. water

4 cloves garlic, minced

nutritional yeast

mustard

tahini

turmeric

paprika

dried parsley

salt

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the macaroni according to package directions.

2. In a saucepan, saute garlic in oil over medium heat for a couple minutes. Add the water, a bunch of nutritional yeast, a couple small spoonfuls of tahini, several squirts of mustard, and several dashes each of turmeric, paprika, dried parsley, and salt (in descending order of concentration).

3. Simmer for approx. 20 minutes, or however long it takes to reduce to a thick cheesy sauce. Add more nutritional yeast if needed.

4. Drain the pasta, then place back in the pot. Pour the cheesy sauce over it and stir. Fill a casserole tray (this doesn't seem like quite the right term) with the pasta, then cover the top first with bread crumbs, then with Daiya cheese. Broil in the oven for approx. 10 minutes.

Move over Elvis, "there's always room for Jello."

Boozy Clergy Crispy Tofu with Mashed Potatoes and Broccoli

[First off, props to my friend Andrew for advising the use of Cooling Filter 82 (5-15%) in Photoshop. Thank god someone knows what he's doing.]

This post is a synthesis of the previous two. Unifying the alcoholic and religious components, we overcome yet another facet of clerical asceticism. On June 14, 1789, Rev. Elijah Craig, "a pioneering Baptist preacher" (says Wikipedia, as always) born in Virginia (just like your faithful blogger — holla!)... hold on. Wikipedia claims there's a precise date for Rev. Craig's innovation of aging corn distillate in charred oak casks. Well, whatever, you've got him to thank for modern corn whiskey. Rev. Craig was arrested at least once for preaching without a license. That's my kind of preacher! From his eulogy in The Kentucky Gazette: "His preaching was of the most solemn style; his appearance as of a man who had just come from the dead..." Again, my kind of preacher!

Tonight's meal is courtesy of Vegan Dad and Isa Chandra Moskowitz. Golden Crispy Tofu! Savory Mushroom Gravy! Mashed potatoes (6 Yukon golds boiled with a few cloves of garlic, mashed with some vegan butter and salt and pepper)! Steamed broccoli! Probably more trouble than it's worth!

Tiny Mix Tapes published the latest installment of my comic, A Thousand K.s.

Exxon Valdez Stir Fry

I'd been in the world less than a year when the Exxon Valdez ran aground in Prince William Sound and spilled 240,000 barrels of petroleum. Boy am I sure glad nothing like that's happened since! I'd post another link to the article I wrote about the justice of eco-terrorism, but maybe it's enough just to mention that I wrote about the justice of eco-terrorism.

Vegansaurus tells me that some women are using fur as hair extensions. That's the kind of choice that'll inspire me to vomit on someone.

This meal did the opposite of make me want to vomit. It's a bit weird because I had to use all the fresh food I had lying around before I leave town for the week. Virginia is for lovers. Or for hanging out with one's parents.

makes approx. 3-4 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 c. long grain brown rice

1 yellow onion, diced

1 lb. tofu, cubed

1 crown broccoli, chopped

1 c. baby arugula, tightly packed

1/2 clove garlic, minced

1/2 hot house tomato, sliced

1 avocado, chopped

1/4 c. nutritional yeast

sesame oil

shoyu soy sauce

cayenne

ground Tellicherry pepper

red pepper flakes

curry powder

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the rice.

2. Sauté onion in a large pan with oil. Add tofu. Once the bottoms start to brown, toss in broccoli.

3. Once you've minced the garlic, throw that in and douse it all with soy sauce and pack the arugula in on top. Let it get cooking for a while.

4. After the broccoli has acquired a bright sheen, add in the tomato, avocado, seasonings, and yeast flakes. Pour in more soy sauce if needed. Mix it all up and cook until the nutritional yeast starts to stick to the bottom of the pan. Cut the heat.

Johnny Appleseed Stuffed Buttercup Squash

I had no idea, but Johnny Appleseed was one of the greatest people to ever live. Who knows really, but he was vegetarian, treated animals with the utmost respect, was a lifelong itinerant, wore shabby clothes, planted apple nurseries, etc. I wish there were more primitive Christians in the world, because then I would be so much cooler with Christianity. Seriously, I'm gonna go to the library and take out all the books on J. Appleseed like tomorrow.

I think this squash is buttercup. If someone reading this knows better, tell me what's up. I'd never cooked one before, but I totally lucked out with the purée I filled it with. So good.

makes 2 halves

INGREDIENTS:

1 buttercup squash, halved

1/4 c. cashews, soaked in 1/2 c. water

1/2 crown broccoli

1/2 hot house tomato

2 cloves garlic

salt and pepper and paprika and hot sauce to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat the oven to 400F.

2. Place the squash, broccoli, and garlic in the oven. Take the garlic out after a few minutes.

3. In a blender, purée cashews and water. Add in the tomato, broccoli, and garlic; purée until smooth.

4. After the squash has been cooking for approx. 25 min., fill it with the puréed stuff and pop back in the oven for another 15-20 min.

I ate this with some delicious baba ghanoush, black olives, and chips that my good friend made and brought over. So nice of her.

 

If y'all missed it on Vegansaurus, there's a Vegan Pen Pals Project! Do it!

Biggie Smalls Bruschetta and Stir Fry

The Notorious B.I.G. was murdered 14 years ago. We all know the story, so I'll just leave ya with a track. So many classics to pick from, but right now I'm partial to "Juicy". Bringing you back.

The bruschetta's just some slices of bread drizzled with olive oil and topped with leftover sauce from the spaghetti I made a couple nights ago. 18 min. in the oven at 375F.

makes approx. 3-4 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 c. long grain brown rice

5 shallots, diced

1 fat clove garlic, sliced

1 lb. tofu, cut into little rectangles

1 1/2 broccoli crowns, chopped

1 hot house tomato, sliced

1/8 c. walnuts, chopped

shoyu soy sauce

1 tsp. cumin

1 tsp. coriander

1 tsp. black sesame seeds

1 tsp. white sesame seeds

1/2 tsp. turmeric

1/4 tsp. cayenne, 90k Scoville

1/4 tsp. salt

sesame oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Simmer the rice 45 min.

2. Sauté the shallots in a large pan in sesame oil. After they start to brown, add the garlic for a couple minutes, then toss in the tofu and broccoli. Douse in soy sauce, cover for a while.

3. Once the broccoli starts to turn bright green, uncover and add in walnuts, tomato, and seasonings. Heat through, try to get the broccoli a little crispy on the edges.

Here's my review of Mike Leigh's most recent film, Another Year.

Vera Zasulich Tofu Scramble Fried Noodles

Maybe I should work on my presentation. Poor arrangement, good flavor. I didn't go to the grocery store today because I worked 7:30am-4pm and it was below 10F. Not good traveling weather. So there's no onion in this dish, although you should use some if you've got it! Also, I intended to use coriander rather than cardamom but I mislabeled my baggies and wasn't paying attention. Turns out cardamom and yeast flakes complement each other.

This one's named after the 133rd anniversary of Vera Zasulich's shooting of then-Governor of St. Petersburg, Fyodor Trepov. I just read about this in Kropotkin's memoirs! Zasulich won the trial and moved to Switzerland a popular hero. Someone else who's a hero is Isa, whose tofu scramble recipe inspired my method.

makes approx. 3 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. tofu

1 large stalk broccoli, diced, with florets

1 handful shiitake mushrooms, sliced

3 cloves garlic, minced

shoyu soy sauce

1/3 package rice bran Pad Thai fettuccine

1 tsp. cardamom

1 tsp. oregano

1/2 tsp. turmeric

1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes

1/4 tsp. salt

ground black pepper

1/4 c. yeast flakes

2 Tbsp. sesame oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the noodles according to package directions.

2. Fry broccoli in a pan with some oil over medium-high heat. Mince garlic, then toss it in with broccoli. After a minute, crumble tofu. Slice mushrooms and add to pan. Splash some soy sauce on top. If using a metal pan, scrape the bottom with a spatula.

3. Mix the seasoning in a small container with a little bit of water. Once the noodles are done, add all remaining ingredients and cook over medium until things are warm and sticky.

From Hyun Höchsmann's and Yang Guorong's introduction to the Zhuangzi:

"The cook works with his spirit and not with his eyes. Following the natural forms, he lets the knife slide through the large crevices and follows the big cavities. After nineteen years the edge of his knife is as sharp as if it had just come from the whetstone."

National Hug Day Stir Fry

 

Apparently it's National Hug Day here in the US, and I haven't received a hug yet. On top of that, this meal was overambitious and overly salty. It was my first attempt at making seitan, and for the first time ever Isa let me down. Or rather, I let Isa down, seeing as she's made the recipe "foolproof." I must be the fool to beat them all.

Too much soy sauce, that was my problem. I don't know why I thought this dish needed a mushroom soy gravy. Here's the recipe if you want to improve it.

makes approx. 3 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. seitan (using Isa's above-linked recipe)

1/3 pack of rice bran Pad Thai fettuccine

1 large stalk broccoli, diced, and florets

2 handfuls shiitake mushrooms, stemmed and chopped

2 serrano chilies, chopped

1 large red onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, pressed

1/4 c. shoyu soy sauce

2 c. water

2 Tbsp. oat flour

juice from 1/2 lemon

1 tsp. cumin

red pepper flakes

oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Prepare seitan. I don't know what I did wrong, but mine didn't hold together too well, and even after 45 minutes of simmering and 10-15 in the pan, it was soft. Not too different from the baked stale bread I used in a curry a while ago.

2. Cook 1/3 of the diced onion in a small pot over medium heat for several minutes. Add 2 cloves pressed garlic for a minute, then add water and oat flour. Once the oat flour is dissolved, add the soy sauce and one serrano pepper, bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer. Let simmer until the rest of the meal is prepared.

3. Cook the remaining onion in a large pan over medium heat. Add 2 cloves pressed garlic, then the broccoli and serrano pepper. After several minutes, add in 2/3 lb. seitan. Raise heat enough to char the bottom of the broccoli and seitan, scraping the pan with a spatula occasionally. Add in the cumin and red pepper flakes along with a little bit of water to coat.

4. Boil the noodles in the seitan broth or water. (I did the former, which was frugal but probably contributed to the overpowering soy flavor).

5. Serve stir fry over noodles with gravy.

I watched the final episode of the Nickelodeon cartoon, Avatar: The Last Airbender, this afternoon before making dinner. I feel no embarrassment at an aching compulsion to watch all three seasons again, because it's escapism born of living a representation of political empowerment. It's a kids' show, it's full of hope and goodness and justice. Happiness is the hardest thing in this world for someone who abhors injustice, which in so many places goes by the name "necessity" and is reproduced by so many people whose dearest vices are cynicism and complacency. How many centuries ago did we sacrifice balance in this world.

In other words, where's my hug?