Boozy Clergy Crispy Tofu with Mashed Potatoes and Broccoli

[First off, props to my friend Andrew for advising the use of Cooling Filter 82 (5-15%) in Photoshop. Thank god someone knows what he's doing.]

This post is a synthesis of the previous two. Unifying the alcoholic and religious components, we overcome yet another facet of clerical asceticism. On June 14, 1789, Rev. Elijah Craig, "a pioneering Baptist preacher" (says Wikipedia, as always) born in Virginia (just like your faithful blogger — holla!)... hold on. Wikipedia claims there's a precise date for Rev. Craig's innovation of aging corn distillate in charred oak casks. Well, whatever, you've got him to thank for modern corn whiskey. Rev. Craig was arrested at least once for preaching without a license. That's my kind of preacher! From his eulogy in The Kentucky Gazette: "His preaching was of the most solemn style; his appearance as of a man who had just come from the dead..." Again, my kind of preacher!

Tonight's meal is courtesy of Vegan Dad and Isa Chandra Moskowitz. Golden Crispy Tofu! Savory Mushroom Gravy! Mashed potatoes (6 Yukon golds boiled with a few cloves of garlic, mashed with some vegan butter and salt and pepper)! Steamed broccoli! Probably more trouble than it's worth!

Tiny Mix Tapes published the latest installment of my comic, A Thousand K.s.

Vera Zasulich Tofu Scramble Fried Noodles

Maybe I should work on my presentation. Poor arrangement, good flavor. I didn't go to the grocery store today because I worked 7:30am-4pm and it was below 10F. Not good traveling weather. So there's no onion in this dish, although you should use some if you've got it! Also, I intended to use coriander rather than cardamom but I mislabeled my baggies and wasn't paying attention. Turns out cardamom and yeast flakes complement each other.

This one's named after the 133rd anniversary of Vera Zasulich's shooting of then-Governor of St. Petersburg, Fyodor Trepov. I just read about this in Kropotkin's memoirs! Zasulich won the trial and moved to Switzerland a popular hero. Someone else who's a hero is Isa, whose tofu scramble recipe inspired my method.

makes approx. 3 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. tofu

1 large stalk broccoli, diced, with florets

1 handful shiitake mushrooms, sliced

3 cloves garlic, minced

shoyu soy sauce

1/3 package rice bran Pad Thai fettuccine

1 tsp. cardamom

1 tsp. oregano

1/2 tsp. turmeric

1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes

1/4 tsp. salt

ground black pepper

1/4 c. yeast flakes

2 Tbsp. sesame oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the noodles according to package directions.

2. Fry broccoli in a pan with some oil over medium-high heat. Mince garlic, then toss it in with broccoli. After a minute, crumble tofu. Slice mushrooms and add to pan. Splash some soy sauce on top. If using a metal pan, scrape the bottom with a spatula.

3. Mix the seasoning in a small container with a little bit of water. Once the noodles are done, add all remaining ingredients and cook over medium until things are warm and sticky.

From Hyun Höchsmann's and Yang Guorong's introduction to the Zhuangzi:

"The cook works with his spirit and not with his eyes. Following the natural forms, he lets the knife slide through the large crevices and follows the big cavities. After nineteen years the edge of his knife is as sharp as if it had just come from the whetstone."

National Hug Day Stir Fry

 

Apparently it's National Hug Day here in the US, and I haven't received a hug yet. On top of that, this meal was overambitious and overly salty. It was my first attempt at making seitan, and for the first time ever Isa let me down. Or rather, I let Isa down, seeing as she's made the recipe "foolproof." I must be the fool to beat them all.

Too much soy sauce, that was my problem. I don't know why I thought this dish needed a mushroom soy gravy. Here's the recipe if you want to improve it.

makes approx. 3 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. seitan (using Isa's above-linked recipe)

1/3 pack of rice bran Pad Thai fettuccine

1 large stalk broccoli, diced, and florets

2 handfuls shiitake mushrooms, stemmed and chopped

2 serrano chilies, chopped

1 large red onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, pressed

1/4 c. shoyu soy sauce

2 c. water

2 Tbsp. oat flour

juice from 1/2 lemon

1 tsp. cumin

red pepper flakes

oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Prepare seitan. I don't know what I did wrong, but mine didn't hold together too well, and even after 45 minutes of simmering and 10-15 in the pan, it was soft. Not too different from the baked stale bread I used in a curry a while ago.

2. Cook 1/3 of the diced onion in a small pot over medium heat for several minutes. Add 2 cloves pressed garlic for a minute, then add water and oat flour. Once the oat flour is dissolved, add the soy sauce and one serrano pepper, bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer. Let simmer until the rest of the meal is prepared.

3. Cook the remaining onion in a large pan over medium heat. Add 2 cloves pressed garlic, then the broccoli and serrano pepper. After several minutes, add in 2/3 lb. seitan. Raise heat enough to char the bottom of the broccoli and seitan, scraping the pan with a spatula occasionally. Add in the cumin and red pepper flakes along with a little bit of water to coat.

4. Boil the noodles in the seitan broth or water. (I did the former, which was frugal but probably contributed to the overpowering soy flavor).

5. Serve stir fry over noodles with gravy.

I watched the final episode of the Nickelodeon cartoon, Avatar: The Last Airbender, this afternoon before making dinner. I feel no embarrassment at an aching compulsion to watch all three seasons again, because it's escapism born of living a representation of political empowerment. It's a kids' show, it's full of hope and goodness and justice. Happiness is the hardest thing in this world for someone who abhors injustice, which in so many places goes by the name "necessity" and is reproduced by so many people whose dearest vices are cynicism and complacency. How many centuries ago did we sacrifice balance in this world.

In other words, where's my hug?

Green Lentil Patties with Spicy Green Spread

I didn't actually end up eating both of these. I went overboard with the spread so I was pretty full. If you anticipate liking the spread, consider increasing the recipe by 50-100%; I'm not sure I'll have enough to cover all the patties I made.

These were damn good, but next time I might cut down on the breadcrumbs a tad and substitute some wheat gluten. If you have a food processor (I don't), there's nothing to worry about. Also, I'm running low on spices so instead of using cumin and thyme or something I used garam masala, paprika, and coriander. Worked fine. The recipe for the patties is adapted from Isa's Olive Lentil Burgers.

makes 4-6 patties

Patties

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 c. green lentils, uncooked

1 small yellow onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

2 handfuls shiitake mushrooms, stemmed and diced

1 c. breadcrumbs

2 Tbsp. oil

2 Tbsp. soy sauce

1/2 tsp. garam masala

1/2 tsp. paprika

1/4 tsp. coriander

ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook lentils. Drain and set aside.

2. Fry the onions in a pan for a few minutes. Add the garlic, then a minute later throw in the mushrooms. Cook for another several minutes, then set aside.

3. Preheat the oven to 350F.

4. In a mixing bowl, combine the lentils, contents of the pan, and everything else besides 1/2 c. of the breadcrumbs. Mash for a few minutes until the mixture begins to coalesce.

5. Add in the remaining breadcrumbs (or wheat gluten if you're trying that) and knead until a dough forms.

6. Apportion the dough into between 4 and 6 patties, depending on how fat you want them.

7. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and place the patties on it. Bake for 12-15 minutes, then flip and bake on the other side for approximately the same amount of time.

Spread

INGREDIENTS:

2 c. shelled edamame

1 jalapeno, chopped

6 sun-dried red tomatoes

1/3 c. pine nuts

4 Tbsp. oil

3/4 c. water
juice of 1/4 lemon
1/4 tsp. lemon zest

DIRECTIONS:

1. Cook the edamame in a pan over medium heat for a couple minutes. Add the jalapeno, and after another couple minutes add the pine nuts. Pine nuts burn easily, but they shouldn't be too bad in there with other things. Cook until you can smell the pine nuts or until you catch a sight of some browning. Remove from the heat.

2. Place the sun-dried tomatoes, water, oil, and contents of pan in a blender. (Secret: I used 1 Tbsp. peanut oil. Magic.) Puree until relatively consistent.

Done! There is one major cost, though...

For those who read to the end, here's a special treat. I figure I'll start posting cool non-food links. I had never heard of Charles Cohen, Jeff Cain, or this album until the other day, but it has got to be one of the coolest things from 1981. I wasn't even alive!