Groundhog Day Chocolate Soup

Did the groundhog see his or her shadow today? I don't know. I don't care. I just want this whole season to go to hell. As if the day weren't soggy enough, I accidentally pushed the lip of the pot under the bowl of cold water while making chocolate mousse. I'd already eyeballed the amount of water, so after my mishap there was WAY TOO MUCH water. So I melted more chocolate and whipped my hand off for 15 min., to no avail. The chocolate and water molecules did their thing, there was just too few of the former. Hence, soup. I didn't actually eat this. Refrigerating it for use tomorrow in a totally improvised, ill-advised experimental cake. That's if it doesn't magically congeal into pudding overnight.

National Freedom Macaroni Greens with Baked Kale

President Lincoln signed the Amendment outlawing slavery on February 1, 1865. So now we're in the clear 146 years later, right? Fuck no. Get wise to your privilege, because white supremacy is a bifocal ideology, working through a positive form, oppression, and a negative form, privilege. Hierarchies abound, and liberation is only possible when it's total.

This recipe's based on Isa's Creamy Red Chard Linguine. This is the first time I've cooked with cabbage. Don't know if I did it right, but I was surprised at its sweetness. Forgetting to add lemon juice turned out to be a significant omission. I tried to make kale chips, but I don't know what other people are doing cuz mine turned out nothing like chips. Maybe I shouldn't have layered the pieces? Maybe my pieces were too large? Maybe the kale was too wet?

makes approx. 4 servings

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 lb. macaroni

1 bunch kale, de-leafed, stalks diced

1 medium red onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 cloves garlic, pressed

1/2 cabbage, torn

1 fistful pea greens

1 tsp. thyme

1/2 tsp. sage

1/2 tsp. tarragon

1/2 tsp. salt

2 Tbsp. red wine vinegar

1 Tbsp. cooking sherry

1/2 c. cashews

1 1/2 c. water

1 Tbsp. tahini

1/4 c. yeast flakes

1 tsp. red pepper flakes

oil

DIRECTIONS:

1. Soak the cashews in water for an hour.

2. Preheat oven to 350F.

3. Cook the onion in oil in a large pan over medium heat. Once translucent, add the minced garlic. After a couple minutes, add the pressed garlic, thyme, sage, tarragon, salt, and kale stems.

4. Place kale leaves in pan or on a baking sheet. Drizzle with olive oil and salt, bake for 12 min. Turn up heat to 350F and bake another 6 min.

5. Add cabbage leaves and pea greens to pan along with 1/2 c. water. Cover and cook for several minutes.

6. Puree cashews in 1 c. water. Once smooth, blend in tahini, yeast flakes, red pepper (and lemon juice).

7. Cook macaroni (or whatever pasta you have handy).

8. Pour the contents of the blender in the pan, bring to a boil, then simmer for several minutes, until the desired consistency.

9. After pasta is cooked, add to pan and coat. Serve with baked kale.

That's all.

Forty-seven Ronin Bagels

The 47 ronin avenged the death of their daimyo, Asano Naganori, by killing Kira Yoshinaka 308 years ago. If you're not familiar with the story, check it out on Wikipedia. So much ritual suicide! All's well that ends well, including the story of my failed dough. I'm still surprised and delighted that cooking method #3 transformed the dough into something edible and appetizing: sesame seed bagels.

I referenced this recipe for the boiling and baking times, and next time I make bagels intentionally I'll probably use the whole recipe.

makes 3 

INGREDIENTS:

1 failed bread recipe

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 425F.

2. Cut dough into thirds. Roll into a ball, punch a hole in the center with your thumb, and knead into an appealing shape.

3. Bring a pot of water to a boil. Drop a bagel in and boil for a minute. Flip and boil for another minute.

4. Sprinkle top of bagel with white and black sesame seeds. Place the bagels on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Bake for 10 min., then flip and bake for another 10 min.

I'm itching to make cream cheez, but I couldn't neglect the leftover patties and dip.

Kansas Red Kidney Bean Patty Open Sandwich with Green Spread

 

That title's a mouthful, and so is this recipe! Hahaha ugh. This one's named for the 150th anniversary of Kansas' admission as the 34th state. It makes use of the failed bread recipe from yesterday, which I thought I'd be able to fry like chapati bread. I was wrong. Since the dough is sort of sticky it made a mess in the pan. So I rolled it up again, flattened it out, and baked it. Bam. Kinda weird, but whatever. I think tomorrow I'll venture a third attempt at recuperating all that flour by boiling the dough. Bagels?

One thing to note is that I meant to use only 1/4 cup of water in the patties but wasn't paying attention to the measuring cups and used 1/3. There seems to be a new trend in my cooking of failure to properly mind water.

makes approx. 4-5 servings

Patties

INGREDIENTS:

1 15.5-oz. can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed

1/2 c. bread crumbs

1/2 c. vital wheat gluten

1/3 c. water

2 Tbsp. shoyu soy sauce

2 Tbsp. olive oil

1 small white onion, diced

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 tsp. tarragon

1 tsp. sage

1/2 tsp. thyme

1/2 tsp. paprika

DIRECTIONS:

1. Fry the onion in a pan with some oil over medium heat. When translucent, add garlic for a minute or two. Remove from heat.

2. Preheat the oven to 350F.

2. Mash the kidney beans in a large mixing bowl with a wooden spoon or other blunt instrument. Add everything else, mix together, and knead with your hands until it holds together in a dough. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, form the dough into patties, and stick those suckers in the oven. After 15 min., flip them and flatten them out if need be, then bake for another 15 min.

Spread

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 c. cashews

1/2 c. water

1 red bell pepper
1 avocado, skinned

1 jalapeno, chopped and partially seeded

1 Tbsp. sunflower oil

2 Tbsp. tahini

1 handful cilantro

1/3 c. water

1/4 tsp. salt

juice of 1/2 lemon

ground black pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Soak the cashews in water for several hours.

2. Roast the bell pepper over your gas burner. If you've got electric you're out of luck. I held the pepper by the stem, removed the grate (or whatever it's called), and cranked the burner to Hi. Wait for the skin to sizzle and blacken. Once it's crispy, place the pepper in a bowl and cover (e.g., with a dish towel).

3. Puree the cashews and water in a blender. Add remaining ingredients except bell pepper. Puree.

4. Seed the bell pepper. It's turn has come, so jam it into the bottom of the blender and press the button.

"Bun"

INGREDIENTS:

1 failed recipe of yeast bread

DIRECTIONS:

1. Attempt to fry in a pan over high heat. Remove from heat, knead, and form into a patty.

2. Bake at 350F for 10 minutes.

This is one of the only meals I've eaten with a fork and knife since going vegan. Maybe it's because I like to cut things up pretty well before cooking them, but a knife is only really essential when you're trying to slice through flesh.

I recently bought a book from Friends of Animals by Lee Hall, On Their Own Terms. According to some guy on the back cover, "In this fascinating and illuminating book, Lee Hall calls [...] upon us to seek and celebrate a world where fish can swim, free in clean water, and bees and birds can fly in peace. And it offers a plan to make it happen." Can't wait!

Data Privacy Bread

This bread was a failure, so I figured I'd name it after today's holiday, Data Privacy Day. Baking bread should be pretty straightforward, but I managed to screw up my first attempt at yeast bread. My guess is I wasn't paying attention to the temperature of the water and shocked the poor yeast with a cool drink when what they wanted was something warm. I made the preparatory error of deciding to veganize this honey-heavy recipe instead of just trying to remember what my dad does. I subbed brown rice syrup for the honey, but even that wasn't enough to revive the yeast.

I'm not posting a recipe, because I wouldn't want to lead anyone astray. I went through with the whole rising, kneading, rising, punching, rising, molding, baking process. Only there was no rising on the part of the dough. It baked nonetheless, and I had a quick pre-work meal of the above ultra-dense loaf with olive oil. It was essentially a roll fashioned out of flatbread dough. Tomorrow I think I'll make flatbread with the remaining dough (there's a lot of it) and cook some bean patties and red pepper dip and have myself a sandwich.

Published a twitter-fiction piece on Nanoism.

Mike Patton Eggplant and Potato Curry

I didn't post anything yesterday because me and the roommates went out to a pan-Asian place to "celebrate" the first day of classes. It wasn't too vegan-friendly, so the less said the better. Turns out January 27 commemorates some horrible events. Luckily, today is also Mike Patton's birthday, so this curry is in his honor. He was/is the vocalist for like 8 million influential bands. Haven't really listened to his work since high school, but still got respect. Check out his band Fantômas.

I acknowledged in an earlier post that I'm not too good at making one-pot meals. Why don't I listen to myself? This came out fine, but all of the durations and some of the measurements are approximations based on little more than hunch. And I still haven't figured out how to make thick curry.

INGREDIENTS:
1 c. rice
1 medium red onion, diced
1/2 small bulb garlic, pressed
1 large eggplant, sliced into French fry-esque strips
1 small eggplant, similarly sliced
1 1/2 lb. red potatoes, quartered
3 1/2 c. water
1 14-oz. can fire roasted diced tomatoes with green chilies
1 13.5-oz. can light coconut milk
1 small jalapeno, chopped
2 tsp. fenugreek seeds
1 tsp. garam masala
1 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. cardamom
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. turmeric
1/4 tsp. coriander
1/4 tsp. cayenne (90K Scoville)
1/4 c. cilantro
oil

DIRECTIONS:
1. Cook rice.
2. Fry the onion with oil in the bottom of a large stock pot. When translucent, add garlic. After a minute, add the eggplant and potato as you finish cutting. I actually added the small eggplant halfway through cooking because I panicked that the ratio was all wrong. You should probably not follow that example.
3. Add 2 c. water, cover and bring to a boil. Lower heat to medium and cook for something like 10-15 minutes.
4. Lower heat to medium-low. Add seasoning, optionally reserve half the cilantro for garnish. If it needs more water, use up to 1 1/2 c. Put the lid on leaving space for the steam to escape. Cook for 30-45 minutes, or until the eggplant is squishy and the potatoes are soft.

Shays' Rebellion Almond Porridge

Named after the Shaysites' failed attempt to take control of Springfield Armory in 1787. The Founding Fathers weren't so great if they thought debtors' prisoners were a good idea and that their property was more valuable than the lives of poor farmers.

This recipe makes use of the almond pulp byproduct of the almond milk recipe.

makes 1 serving

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 c. rolled oats

1/2 c. almond pulp

3/4 c. water

6 shakes cinnamon

1 handful jumbo black raisins

1/2 banana, sliced

1/2 spoonful brown rice syrup

DIRECTIONS:

1. Bring oats, almond pulp, and water to a boil in a small pot. Lower the heat and cook for several minutes, until the oats are tender and the porridge is your desired consistency.

2. Shake cinnamon into a bowl. Add raisins and banana slices. Pour the porridge on top, then combine with brown rice syrup.

From Bob Black's The Abolition of Work:

"Sahlins concluded that 'hunters and gatherers work less than we do; and rather than a continuous travail, the food quest is intermittent, leisure abundant, and there is a greater amount of sleep in the daytime per capita per year than in any other condition of society.' They worked an average of four hours a day, assuming they were 'working' at all. Their 'labor,' as it appears to us, was skilled labor which exercised their physical and intellectual capacities; unskilled labor on any large scale, as Sahlins says, is impossible except under industrialism. Thus it satisfied Friedrich Schiller's definition of play, the only occasion on which man [sic] realizes his complete humanity by giving full 'play' to both sides of his twofold nature, thinking and feeling. As he put it: 'The animal works when deprivation is the mainspring of its activity, and it plays when the fullness of its strength is this mainspring, when superabundant life is its own stimulus to activity.'